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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25927693">do you ever get the feeling that you're missing the mark?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/poketa/pseuds/poketa'>poketa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Colour blindness, F/F, Soulmate AU, tw death mention</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:39:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25927693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/poketa/pseuds/poketa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>or suddenly rachel can't see colours.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>262</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>soulmate au - a beloved concept that let us think about the possibility of having someone out there who is kinda destined to be with you in some form. well, this one is about colours! hope you like it - this is just but the very first chapter of a hopefully two long chapter story that is a gift to my friend monique, who loves soulmates.</p><p>also, thanks to my wife emi for being my beta lately and letting me handle you these long paragraphs to read, you are the best!</p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>The golden lights of the stage illuminate her as Rachel belts the last note of the closing number of the show, her arms rising to the sky as her expression descends onto the practiced resignation for her character's fate.</p><p>She stands there, tears running down her cheeks, eyes lost in the horizon as the silence comes.</p><p>Instantly, the burgundy curtains are closing after her as thunderous applause invades her eardrums and everyone rushes to walk onto the stage to give their traditional bow to the audience. Her lips quirk to a warm smile towards the people on the seats, but just as she's about to bow, a switch seems to go off somewhere as everything <em> loses </em> colour and Rachel stumbles back, losing the grip on her co-star's hand as her eyes begin to take everything in.</p><p>The burning lights of the stage, the floor, the colourful costumes, the once red seats, the faces of the people, their eyes - "Rachel, are you alright?" - everything is <em> gray</em>.</p><p>She shakes her head before her eyes focus back onto the concerned expression of Ryan, her co-star, who knots his eyebrows at her as he holds her by her shoulders, steadying her shaking frame.</p><p>"I'm n-not sure," Rachel finally stutters, focusing on his colourless face, his once blue eyes look a dull grey and her lip trembles as it sets in.</p><p>She can't see <em> colours.</em></p><p>The minute the word registers in her own mind, she is rushing backstage. Dodging crew, boxes, and lighting wires as the curtain closes behind her and the sea parts for her to find her lifesaver.</p><p>Her steps don't falter even as she hits her left foot against an iron statue used as a prop for the second act. The blood is rushing in her ears, her hands are trembling and the fact that she can't see beyond a scale of greys makes her beyond nauseous as people call her name and she just continues her hurried steps.</p><p>Finally arriving at her dressing room, Rachel doesn't waste a second before dropping everything in her purse until she reaches her phone at the bottom. Her hands almost drop her phone in her haste to unlock it, to call the number, and to hear the voice she needs to calm her down at the moment, but Rachel doesn't let it touch the ground as she closes her eyes and waits, her iron grip on the device.</p><p>One second, two seconds, three seconds go but it feels like an eternity as she waits for the other end to pick up, but it finally does.</p><p>
  <em> "Hello?" </em>
</p><p>She breathes out in relief, her eyelids fluttering but closing again as her fiancé's voice washes over her, calming her heart.</p><p>Rachel falls down to sit on the seat she knows is behind her, tears beginning to stream down her face. It's relief, it's happiness, it's good - and she sighs, listening to the sound of breathing from the other end of the call.</p><p>
  <em> "Rach? What's up?"</em>
</p><p>Rubbing her forehead with an anxious hand, the brunette opens her eyes and a pained sob leaves her throat as the grey tones of the dressing room face her back, hitting her square in the face and in her chest.</p><p>"Finn," she mutters, looking everywhere, trying to find a fleck of colour, anything that will calm her racing heart, but dull tones of grey greet her again. Rachel chuckles with incredulity as his voice falls to the background.</p><p>A loud buzz plays in her ears.</p><p>Finally, her heart stops for a beat as the realization dawns on her. Eyes move to her own hands; grey skin, grey nails, grey nail polish, not an ounce of colour.</p><p>Rachel looks at herself in the mirror, an expression of horror is set on her face. Her makeup is grey, her hair is grey, her lips too.</p><p>But he is <em> alright.</em></p><p>It hits her like a train at high speed without brakes, her eyes lose focus as their whole story flashes before her eyes; high school, college, and <em> now.</em></p><p><em> "Rachel - is something wrong?” </em>his voice comes and it doesn't help her settle down. She stands up with a choking hold in her throat as the idea floods her mind and soul.</p><p>"Forgive me, Finn," the performer replies as her tears begin to fall faster and more frequently. Her voice and breathing are controlled and that's why she's one of the upcoming Broadway stars, she can act like her life depends on it. "I must have dialed your number by mistake, I'm sorry," Rachel continues, biting her knuckle to hold a sob back as she stops speaking.</p><p>
  <em> "It's okay, baby, I'll call you later, I'm having dinner with Burt and my mom now." </em>
</p><p>And she ends the call before he can hear her sob loudly to a grey room.</p><p>The phone slips from her grip and falls to the floor.</p><p>The glass of her phone's screen breaks audibly and terribly, enough to register in her ears, but Rachel can't bother to move and check the damage as she shakes, hugging herself, because, with the loss of the ability to see colours, Rachel realises that her high school sweetheart <em>isn't </em>her soulmate and there is definitely someone out there who is and something must have happened to<em> them.</em></p><p>Closing her eyes, she sees black, opening them, she sees grey and there is no comfort as Rachel swallows and faces what is but an undeniable truth.</p><p>Finn<em> isn't </em>her soulmate.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> "I don't understand."</em>
</p><p>Rachel shakes her head, the image of the <em>Zoom</em> reunion freezing for a second before her face appears again on the screen more clearly.</p><p>"Finn," She swallows tightly as her practiced words appear from her mouth. Her frown deepens as the boy hugs himself at the other end of the video call, he's wearing one of his <em> WMHS </em> hoodies. The fact she can't distinguish if it's a red one or a grey one pains her too much, making her close her eyes. "Today I've lost one of my senses and it would have <em> literally </em>killed me to realize it happened because I lost you, but - but you are fine, aren't you?" Rachel asks softly, but her voice still breaks.</p><p>The man shrugs, a conflicted expression on his face as he speaks, <em> "Yeah, I'm healthy and everything," </em> he replies. His smile brightens a little, but it's evident how forced it is. They know each other too well to know that this is serious. <em> "Even lost some weight at the gym," </em>Finn adds with a chuckle that feels awry to her stomach.</p><p>It's both; a blindfold being lifted from her eyes and a deadweight falling onto her shoulders as he confirms it.</p><p>"That's great," Rachel replies slowly, forcing a smile of her own. Her hands clench her sweater as she speaks and she glances down at the material with sadness.</p><p>Grey cotton being caressed by grey fingertips. Her throat closes as the overwhelming need to cry comes again, to even scream in anguish.</p><p><em> "What happens now?" </em> </p><p>Rachel glances up, her smile slipping as she faces her fiancé, who has an expression almost fearful in his still boyish but <em> grey </em> features and she can't lie as he looks back at her and the silence takes over them.</p><p>"I don't know," she admits sincerely as her eyes scan the colourless image of her fiancé across the screen.</p><p>Her fingertips reach for him and Finn frowns at her as she does, before lifting his own hand and holding it there too.</p><p>They<em> don't </em>break up.</p><p>Because Finn argues that is very stupid to act suddenly like years of love and trust haven't mattered at all, just because they aren't <em> it.</em></p><p>"We all know couples who aren't soulmates, but are happy together," he says with a frown, shaking his head fervently at the idea that Rachel leaves on the table for them to consider. Finn seems set on the idea of ignoring her newfound <em>colour blindness </em>and moves on. "They got married, they- they even got kids, it's not your obligation to follow that crap, Rach. You know it," the man offers with a laugh, passing a hand through his short hair.</p><p>And she swallows tightly at his words, deep down it doesn't feel right, but it's okay.</p><p>"Yes, I know, Finn," Rachel replies slowly, thinking about the own couples that she has met through the years over the city. People who aren't soulmates, but yet seem content enough with their partners as it is, living together, starting families, committing as one. "I do know it," she confirms.</p><p>And she nods briefly, accepting his words and his argument as the truth because she loves him and he loves her and that should be enough.</p><p>It should be enough.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Or that’s what she says to herself as a little, minuscule, barely there, bit of doubt sweeps inside her system and starts to grow.</p><p>Because she lives in New York and he's seemingly all the way across the map, in the hometown that he could never leave. A place that she could leave to achieve her own dreams, but that he couldn't leave, not even for them, not even for <em> her.</em></p><p>Truly, it's a matter beyond <em> Lima, Ohio </em> as the next night after the revelation. She finds herself eating dinner once more alone in her apartment, looking at a colourless vegan marinara. Rachel unintentionally begins to open further the box of doubt, opening her own eyes towards everything that has always bothered her about their relationship.</p><p>Interests, lifestyles, job paths. Rachel even remembers some of his opinion about certain politics and gender issues and scrunches up her nose, spearing a piece of tomato with her fork as the box just opens further.</p><p>
  <em> 'But they love each other, shouldn't that be enough - shouldn't love conquer it all?'</em>
</p><p>Rachel asks herself as she eats the piece of vegetable, chewing thoroughly until she swallows nothing more than tomato sauce down her throat and stares at her grey glass of wine that stands there.</p><p>Grey food stares back at her from her plate and she just shakes her head, before moving it aside with her hand.</p><p>Her appetite is there, but it doesn't feel like she can keep swallowing more. </p><p>Those words are less about the pasta and more about their relationship than she would ever like to admit out loud.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>A week passes in colourless moments that make Rachel feel like she's currently the starring actress on an overly dramatic <em> film noir </em>based in the city of New York.</p><p>Food, flowers, clothes, dogs… Just everything. It simply doesn't feel just the same as before to her. Life doesn't feel the same as before without <em> colours </em>and it sucks.</p><p>"Rach, pass me the salt, will you?”</p><p>Mindlessly, she moves the shaker closer to her towards the man, keeping her eyes on the asparagus on her plate.</p><p>Once upon a time, the performer could've devoured the vegetable without even giving it a second thought, since it's her favorite, even more so when it's grilled and topped with a thin layer of sauce, but there she sits after a show, staring at her meal with a blank stare as the greys almost blend together, making her sigh with despair.</p><p><em> "Ugh, </em> you gave me the pepper." </p><p>Rachel looks up from the plate and then across the table at her best friend, who has an expression of disgust across his handsome features.</p><p>And she sighs, shaking her head with an apologetic smile onto her face. "Sorry, Jesse," she replies, rubbing her cheek. "I couldn't distinguish between the two of them." Her eyes go to the lone shaker, just to find, that in fact, it looks exactly the same shade that one in Jesse's hand and it makes her gently groan, before she comments heatedly, <em> "God, </em> I'm so tired of this, it feels like an eternity of living inside television before getting technicolor!"</p><p>The man chuckles with humour, before shaking his head and continuing his own meal, although leaving aside the piece of meat he did mean to salt.</p><p>At least, Rachel prevented him from eating meat, that's still a little win - even if the animal still has died.</p><p>"<em>Roman Holiday </em>was black and white," Jesse comments with a grin. She just huffs, before stabbing a piece of asparagus and eating it, the roll of her eyes is inevitable. "At least you still can see," he points out with a shrug, before putting a bite of cuscus inside his mouth and chewing with a smile.</p><p>"Don't even dare to mention <em> that, </em> Jesse St. James," Rachel reprimands with a raised finger pointing at him, while he drinks from his glass of wine. "Life seems to be punishing me for something, don't give <em> him </em> more ideas," she continues with a scoff.</p><p>He leaves his glass down, sending her an amused look across the white mantles and cutlery.</p><p>"How do you know life is a <em>him?"</em> Jesse counters with a raised brow, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin. "And not a <em>her </em>or a they?" he adds mockingly, lowering his hands down to the table again.</p><p><em> "Please," </em> Rachel replies with a bitter scoff. She rolls her eyes and points out matter-of-factly. "Only a man could do so much damage and not bother to fix it within 24 hours."</p><p>And he laughs, of course, he does.</p><p>"It's so nice to eat dinner with you," Jesse comments with a smile, toasting his glass at her. "Always food with a show," he continues, winking at her; but she just shows him her tongue, before resuming her meal with her gaze fixed onto the grey people behind them that seems to be discussing the check. "Anyway - What's this?" he says as he lowers his glass onto the table.</p><p>"What do you mean?" Rachel inquires, frowning at her friend as she swallows her bite. He gestures to them and she elaborates. "We always eat dinner together on Thursdays"</p><p>She takes a swig from her white wine as Jesse drops his fork down on his plate, a far more serious expression in his face that seconds ago and Rachel swallows the sip, but it runs dry down her throat.</p><p>"Okay, so you can't see <em> colours,</em>" He states as a matter of fact. She moves her glass down, trying to keep her cool, but her best friend is being serious and it's not for her benefit. "Yes, Rachel, you may be groaning about it and saying how much you hate it - but you don't see damn <em> colours," </em> he laughs and it's pure disbelief as the man continues, his voice slightly raising. "Excuse me, but if you're sitting across me, evading to talk about your relationship with Finn when that idiot is over at <em> Ohio </em> playing clueless to what this means, I will call you out," he says with an expression that irks her as he crosses his arms over his broad chest. "Because that's what I do.”</p><p>The couple by the table behind them has subdued the volume of their discussion and she huffs as the words settle in her stomach, turning like expired food as she frowns.</p><p>"And what does it mean, huh?" Rachel asks, after a second of forming her words into one coherent sentence. "That because I can’t see the colour of my dinner or the colour of your eyes or the goddamn colour of the door on my way out," she continues her voice more loudly. "I have to break up with my boyfriend of <em> years </em> because he isn't <em> the </em> one for me?" she counters with a nervous laugh. "That's it, Jesse?"</p><p>Briefly sipping his wine, Jesse replies after moving the glass away from his lips. “Yeah.” He shrugs with a serious expression. “Pretty much that.” </p><p>The silence falls onto their plates. It's not part of the menu, but she swallows it anyway, even if it doesn't seem to go down.</p><p>“You're insane,” Rachel replies after a second as he continues sipping wine and looking at her over the rim of the glass with an unmoving face. “More than that - you're a lunatic and I'm not going to allow your messed up mental state to influence my love life.” </p><p>But she can't stand up from the seat, because everyone is still grey, the table is grey, her food is grey.</p><p>(She even needed him tonight to pick a correct outfit to not look like a clown.)</p><p>“Listen to me, Rachel Berry,” Jesse continues, his voice a bit gentler and she closes her eyes as the knot gets tighter around her throat, it's forceful and painful and tears begin to appear. “If you truly want a subpar life with that man, own it, make it yours,” he says and she opens her eyes, she's crying and his eyes have tears too, but they aren’t falling. This isn't him acting to convince her to do something stupid, like appearing in a cream commercial for hands, it's him, a hundred percent Jesse. It hurts all that much more as he wipes his hand to move a grey tear, rolling down his grey cheek. “But if you want a love that will make your soul soar, just like when you are up there performing on the stage, then you know well what you have to do,” he ends, breathing harshly against the tense atmosphere of the restaurant. Rachel doesn't know what do to, so she hugs herself tighter as her eyes fall closed with more tears falling down her grey cheeks.</p><p>Arms encircle her body as he sits by her side of the table, his cologne is a comfort that embraces her, his beating heart a lull to calm her own, but when she opens her eyes and finds grey all over his face and everywhere, Rachel just knows Jesse <em> isn't </em> the one either.</p><p>Still, she reaches for a selfish tiny peck over his lips that he receives with slow movements and closed eyes. Her eyes fall closed too as she moves back and her tongue licks her suddenly dry lips.</p><p>“Did it work?” Jesse whispers against her lips. His breath coming in short outbursts on her cheek, his heart beating normally, his warmness present.</p><p>But Rachel doesn't have to open her eyes to know that everything is just as grey and dull as before. Still, she tries, meeting reality with a pained smile and disappointed eyes.</p><p>"No," she shakes her head as he embraces her again with a tight hug, and, somehow, it hurts worse than finding out that Finn wasn't her soulmate either. "It didn't."</p><p>"You'll be fine, Rach, you hear me?" Jesse whispers, caressing her hair as she cries onto her chest, a dull world of grey enclosing her in. "Everything will be fine, okay?"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Finn yells, cries, and breaks his own computer when she decides to put an end to their relationship.</p><p>It's painful. It leaves her sobbing on the floor of the living room of her apartment as he ends the call. The words ring through her ears.</p><p>
  <em> "No one will ever love you like I do." </em>
</p><p>Rachel is worried that Finn may be right about it.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>She gives herself one week to mourn and drag her limbs around, not caring to ask Jesse to help her pick an outfit or a girl from her Makeup Team to help her with her face in the mornings.</p><p>Rachel just picks whatever grey clothes look the best and goes as naturally as she possibly can to a grey theatre with just as grey people that may know by her expression what must be happening.</p><p>Once she's back home, the performer throws herself on the couch and cries to herself looking over pictures from dates, anniversaries, high school, and holidays.</p><p>It's not the best, but it's coping. It's what's there and, someday, she knows <em> it will be okay. </em></p><p>(She says that to herself too many times a day just hoping it won't lose meaning too soon as the sky looks greyer and not because of the seasons)</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"We're going out." </p><p>Jesse announces as he burst inside her bedroom, his outfit looking pretty much for a night of <em> hoeing </em> out, even if it's pretty much grey <em> everything </em> to her eyes.</p><p>"I'm not on the mood, Jess," Rachel replies with a sigh, scrolling down her <em> Instagram </em> feed with concentration, even if every picture seems <em> grey </em> to her eyes, some are still very beautiful to her eyes. "Maybe next week-" </p><p>But he snatches her phone and throws it inside the pocket of his grey coat as she gaps.</p><p>"You'll have that back, after drinking at least <em> two </em> drinks with me," the man assures with a serious nod, crossing his arm over his chest, his winning smile over his face.</p><p>The brunette woman crosses her arms too. "Fine, go get the vodka and limes from my fridge-"</p><p>"You may be <em> Funny Girl, </em>but you aren't a funny woman, Rach," Jesse counters back with a shrug, before pointing to the closet. "Now, we'll get you a sexy dress and wait for Tracy who's coming to do your makeup," he continues with a flourish.</p><p>She stares with a glare at the man, but he doesn't back down, just stares back and that's why he is her best friend.</p><p>"Alright," Rachel accepts with exasperation, before shaking her head and standing up from her bed. She's in sweats of who knows which colour and has just showered, so there's no need for her to detour. "But who's Tracy? she asks, turning around to look at the man still standing by the bed.</p><p>Jesse's smile turns cocky and she just snorts.</p><p>"Got it," Rachel dismisses with her hand, moving to the closet.</p><p>She opens the doors and it hits her just as hard as the first day as everything stares back to her in dull scales of grey.</p><p>"I recommend the blue dress," Jesse says from behind her.</p><p>Before she can bark at him with feelings that shouldn't be directed at him, but to destiny and circumstances, maybe even life, his hands appear to move a dress from a hanger to hold it for her.</p><p>"I know you will look astounding wearing it," he whispers in her ear and she chuckles, losing a little of the tightness inside her chest as she takes it.</p><p>"Thank you." </p><p>But it's less about the dress and the compliment and more about him being there and holding her as she’s about to crumble in front of a couple of dresses.</p><p>"You're welcome," Jesse replies, before turning around and exiting the room.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The club is filled to the brim with dancing people and it's suffocating, not in the way that feels good and makes your head swim with lust and alcohol, but in a way that makes Rachel's heart keep skipping a beat as someone looks her way and her world remains just as grey as before.</p><p>"Let me go home, Jesse," she declares to her best friend, who has Tracy draped around his right arm and she knows they aren't soulmates, but the envy is there for the easy way in which they can keep doing <em> this </em> just like <em> that. </em> "Technically, I've had two drinks, so, at least, I can have my phone back," Rachel adds as she receives blank stares from both.</p><p>He turns to her and frowns, before counting the empty glasses on the table with suspicion. "You can have it," he agrees, presenting the phone from a grey pocket.</p><p>Rachel grins sarcastically, before drinking from her glass and standing from her seat with a sigh. "I need some air, I'll be over the smoking zone," she comments, looking back at him with a raised brow, waiting for a rebuttal.</p><p>But Jesse just nods and she begins to walk in direction of the open area, listening to the tale tail of Tracy's voice.</p><p>"Do you think she’ll escape?"</p><p>"No," Jesse's voice comes almost instantly. "She understands why we are here; Rach won't leave so early."</p><p>And he is absolutely right because she understands why they are there and she just needs some air.</p><p>Bypassing a grey couple making out by a dull grey wall, she exits the bar area and walks onto the <em> grey </em> smoking area.</p><p>A little patio where luckily for her, no one, is in fact, <em> smoking, </em>at the moment.</p><p>"Hey." </p><p>Of course, that was all of the clean air she could've over the smoking zone. Honestly, it was longer than she expected.</p><p>Rachel turns to the source of the voice and there she finds standing by the door a handsome man, she can't tell if he's a blond or brunet or redhead, but he seems to have clear eyes and to be living in a grey world seems once more a pain in the ass as she struggles to not yell the unfair of her drama to the sky.</p><p>"I think I know you," he says with a grin, moving closer, but respectfully so as they remain the only two over the small space.</p><p>She appreciates it, even if he still remains a total handsome stranger in jeans and a tight shirt.</p><p>"You're <em> Fanny Brice," </em> the man gushes with clear excitement. The way his eyes shine and look at her, Rachel wishes for a flick of colour to appear somewhere, anywhere.</p><p><em> "Broadway </em> fan?" Rachel asks with a grin, tilting her head to the side as her smile appears, her mood changing a little.</p><p>The man chuckles, before shaking his head, he supports his weight by the other wall, keeping the distance as he looks back at her.</p><p>"Nah," he replies, before smiling at her and this time isn't friendly, but flirty and it burns somewhere down as his eyes find her and the world remains just as grey. "I'm a performer too." </p><p>And maybe her world won't gain any colour from kissing <em> Brody </em>, but she still does it as he holds her hips, kisses her back and takes her against the wall of her apartment, their clothes have long gone and were by the front door.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Brody <em> isn't </em> the one.</p><p>Jesse knows it, Rachel knows it, Brody knows it - <em> hell, </em>even Tracy knows it.</p><p>Maybe everyone in the whole city and beyond the state knows it, maybe people over Ohio know it too.</p><p>Yet, he gives her something that Finn didn't and that Jesse could only give as a friend.</p><p><em> Understanding </em> - and it's really not about the sex - even if it does help to have someone want her like that, just to remind her that she can still have that.</p><p>Brody holds her under the grey lights of her room, over grey sheets, grey naked bodies facing each other and the world seems to hurt a little less.</p><p>They talk after sex, not about their interests or about Broadway, not even about <em> Fanny Brice, </em> even if he keeps mentioning that from time to time with a grin.</p><p>They talk about seeing in greys, because Brody doesn't see colours around him, just like her.</p><p>"Have you ever felt the desire to give up in this search with no leads?" Rachel asks as she moves a hand up his naked torso, observing grey skin with detail.</p><p>His abs are impeccable and it's interesting to touch them and see the muscles flex as her fingertips travel down grey paths.</p><p>"Every day," Brody replies with a grin as she tickles his side and he moves a little, before holding her hands away to stop her. "But then I remember that love moves the world around us and we are artists. Like, if we give up on it, if we give up on love, what that makes us?" he asks with a little smile, looking at her with curious eyes.</p><p>His grey eyes are searching and she snorts, before moving her hands away to her chin. "Way to make me feel worse," she admonishes, but she's laughing and <em> yeah </em> - maybe they are in such a similar situation that it helps to have Brody around.</p><p>"I'm just saying - I would rather die of passion than of boredom," Brody declares with a grin, putting his grey arms behind his head.</p><p>"You didn't invent that," Rachel teases as she rolls her eyes but also herself in the bed to stand from it in one fluid movement.</p><p>Stretching her grey limbs, she stands from the bed and moves to the grey bathroom.</p><p><em> "Cézanne?" </em> the woman inquires as she turns around and squints her eyes at the naked man in the bed.</p><p>The image is grey and she almost imagines a smudge of colour somewhere, but it's pure imagination.</p><p><em> "Van Gogh," </em> he replies, pointing at her with finger guns. "But close." </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Their arrangement lasts two months and a half before she receives a call in the middle of the night that changes everything.</p><p><em> Brody Weston </em>says the ID call.</p><p>It's a Wednesday, they usually don't call this late as both have high demanding jobs during the week, but the way her mind conjures their conversations, Rachel picks it up instantly.</p><p>She swallows tightly as the news of him finding his soulmate presents at the forefront of her mind, because instead of feeling sad. The idea of the man finding what he has been looking for over a year warms her heart and makes her feel hopeful for her own cause.</p><p>But then he speaks over the receiver and-</p><p>"<em>Rachel." </em></p><p>He whispers and his voice is way too quiet for him.</p><p>The man has never been a loud person or anything, but the way he is speaking, it reaches her ears like bullets as her heart skips a beat or two.</p><p>"Brody - it's so late, what's wrong?" Rachel questions, sitting on her bed, observing the grey light of the moonlight from the window with distaste.</p><p><em> "I found her,” </em> he whispers with a chuckle like he usually does, but this one is different; it falls like a stone onto a pond, causing an amalgam of effects by what surrounds it and Rachel's swallows tightly as it reaches her and he continues, <em> "I finally found her, but she - she died a year ago, Rachel."</em></p><p>And it's like, instead of seeing everything in grey, everything just turns <em> black </em>for a second.</p><p>"But how? How do you know that's what happened, Brody?" Rachel asks, her hand shaking as she closes her eyes, her heart beating loudly by her ears, her throat closing, her breath not reaching her lungs. "That - that makes no sense," she adds with a nervous laugh.</p><p>His voice is dry as he replies over the loud silence of the call.</p><p>
  <em> "Found a picture of her in a newspaper and-"</em>
</p><p>A beat of silence passes like a ghost between them as she shivers waiting for more, but a long second goes before he continues.</p><p>
  <em> "And I can see them again, Rachel."</em>
</p><p>He whispers and when Brody used to talk about finding his soulmate, he always looked elated, he gushed about the flowers he would send her and colours to paint their future house, but now that he mentions his ability to see colours again, Rachel knows it's not the same.</p><p>It won't ever be the same.</p><p>"I don't… I don't know what to tell you," she admits as her voice breaks and a cry leaves her lips, tears have been running down her cheeks for a few seconds already, but Rachel doesn't acknowledge them.</p><p><em> "Just stay on the phone, please," </em> he requests and there's an evident tremor that travels through the call as he speaks again, <em> "I just need to hear you." </em></p><p>She closes her eyes tightly as she knows he must be referring to hear <em> her </em> and not Rachel, but she will do whatever helps to keep him sane.</p><p>"Of course, I'll be here," Rachel replies as she hugs the phone to her ear, breathing deeply in and out, "Just as long as you need me to be.” </p><p>And it ends up being two more hours, before Brody's breathing evens out and Rachel clicks to end the call, dried tears in her own grey cheeks and a newfound reason to panic over as she thinks about her own soulmate.</p><p>
  <em> What if they are already gone?</em>
</p><p>And with that question comes a long night where she can't fall asleep again, just thinking about more <em> what-ifs </em> that her heart definitely can't handle.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>After Brody meets his soulmate, he needs Rachel more than she needs him, because apparently seeing colours isn't the same after finding out that the love of your life ceased to exist and you only would find out about it a whole year after it happened.</p><p>The topic nags at her, but Rachel is too of a coward to go to him and straight-up ask how he found the picture of <em> Emily.</em></p><p>It's not like it's an easy subject, at all either, but she has been losing sleep and also her sanity over it and finally one day the words just leave her mouth as she worries over her bottom lip.</p><p>"Would you…" Rachel says one night over sushi that looks just grey to her, but Brody picked, so it's probably not entirely bad looking or <em> grey. </em> "Would you tell me how you found her?" she whispers carefully, wiping her sweaty hand over her jeans as they sit by her coffee table, an unwatched movie playing by the grey TV.</p><p>Brody looks up from his plate, grey chopsticks lowering as he swallows and she can't help the chill that runs down her spine, feeling guilty as grey eyes shine with evident sadness on them.</p><p>"Just if you can, of course," she adds with a shrug, before stuffing one of the less weird-looking sushi into her mouth and munching on it. "No pressure." </p><p>His eyes aren't hard on her, but he hasn't spoken yet and it makes her feel awful for bringing it up. He just stares down at the plate with conflict clear across his features.</p><p>"Brody, okay, you don't really have to, that was a stupid thing to ask-" Rachel apologizes, but gets cut off.</p><p>"No, it's okay," Brody interrupts her with a quirk of his lip, sighing longingly with his eyes closed, before looking at her again, his pain is there, he wears his heart on his sleeve after all and it makes her feel even guilty to ask him when he is <em> so </em> obviously wearing an open wound for the world to see. "I went to a woman, like a month ago or something, she read my aura," he explains with a shrug, before picking a piece of sushi with his chopsticks. "Gave me a direction and yeah - then I found <em> Emily," </em>he ends, before stuffing his mouth with more sushi.</p><p>"I'm still so sorry about it," Rachel replies instantly, putting a hand over his grey one and maybe it hurts to not be Finn's soulmate, even more to not be Jesse's soulmate for her own comfort, but as the man silently mourns a woman that he never met, Rachel wishes fervently she could have been his soulmate instead.</p><p>"It's… whatever," Brody dismisses, but his expression says it's everything but that as he laughs forcefully. "I can give you the woman's number if you want," he adds with a hopeful smile that gives her heart a squeeze as his hand does too.</p><p>And the taste of the grey sushi isn't that terrible as she saves the number in her phone and continues trying to understand the plot of the Sci-Fi movies that has too many unnecessary timelines for her taste as Brody laughs by her side, trying to defend the plot of the movie.</p><p>He is just as burdened as her by the ghost of someone he never met but if they ignore it and laugh, it feels a little less heavy and a little more okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Rachel really wonders if Brody is pulling a prank on her as an eerie voice tells her through the phone to go over Central Park and wait on a specific bench by a pond.</p><p>To bring something that feels <em> really </em> personal to her just feels like pulling her leg.</p><p>But then she follows the instructions on her GPS, at the same time that her phone sends her current location to both Brody's phone and Jesse's for safety and finally she finds the specific bench with a conflicted frown as it remains... <em> empty.</em></p><p>"Rachel?" </p><p>She turns to the source of the voice and her expression shifts to one of contempt.</p><p>"<em>Ruby?" </em>She asks, tilting her head to the side as an old lady that pretty much looks like her grandma stands in front of her.</p><p>Of course, she looks grey to Rachel's eyes, but it's like she truly owned the colourlessness as her clothes show different patterns and designs that makes her think of the album <em> Rumours </em> by <em> Fleetwood Mac </em> for some reason.</p><p>"That's me," the woman agrees before sitting by the bench and opening her large bag.</p><p>She makes a brown bag appear from it and starts throwing what seems to be breadcrumbs to the pigeons, making Rachel frown again as she sits on the bench too.</p><p>"Did you bring what I told you?" Ruby inquires with a smile, her attention not shifting from the birds on the ground.</p><p>"Right, of course," Rachel replies as she opens her bag and presents her <em> Tony </em> award to the old woman, who turns to her and then back to the birds to keep feeding them with a slow shake of her head. "Is something wrong with it, Ruby?" she asks, lowering the award to her lap.</p><p>"Well, dear, that's not personal," the old woman replies as she stops throwing breadcrumbs for a second and looks back at Rachel.</p><p>The pigeons keep eating and fighting each other in front of them.</p><p>"You said to bring something that feels personal to you," Rachel replies as she looks at the shiny statue in her hands. "And this award - this is what kept me going for years, I won this award because I worked my ass off and it represents all of what I did to get to the top, Ruby," she explains, feeling put off by the comment.</p><p>A kid and their parents pass by them riding bikes, but it doesn't distract either of them.</p><p>"To put it simply, when I see that award, I don't see you, Rachel," the woman replies with a shrug, her voice tone just as gentle. "Yes, I see what you have done and what you have accomplished, but it doesn't hold what makes you <em> you</em>, dear," Ruby continues simply.</p><p>"Then I don't know what holds what you are looking for," Rachel confesses with a blush that must have colour, but she knows looks grey to her own eyes.</p><p>Ruby sighs, before looking at her in the eyes again. "Do you know what your friend brought with him?" she offers with a serious expression.</p><p>"Isn't that like<em>, you know, </em> personal?" The performer pushes with discomfort, scrunching up her nose as she slides closer to the woman.</p><p>But the older woman just shakes her head, before looking at the pigeons again. "Oh, so you don't, okay" Ruby comments.</p><p>"Okay, what did Brody bring with him?" The brunette woman bites easily.</p><p>"A picture" Ruby offers simply</p><p>"That's it?" Rachel asks with a frown as she moves back. "Just a picture?" </p><p>But a breeze passes them by and the woman shakes her head.</p><p>"A picture of himself after losing at a dance contest at age 10," Ruby confesses with a grin, before throwing some more breadcrumbs to the ground.</p><p>And Rachel's mind instantly goes to one conversation they had many weeks before that clicks within what Ruby must be trying to point at.</p><p>
  <em> "... Love moves the world around us and we are artists. Like, if we give up on it, if we give up on love, what that makes us?" </em>
</p><p>It's like a splash of cold water to the face as she moves the award away and lays back on the bench, her hands move the award to her bag, but suddenly a thought lights up her path as Rachel opens her bag wider and shifts through her stuff, looking for<em> it.</em></p><p>
  <em> Boom.</em>
</p><p>"Would this… work?" Rachel asks carefully, looking at the woman with a timid look as she lifts what she hopes conveys more of herself and feels more personal to the old woman.</p><p>And Ruby turns to her, greys eyes falling onto the little grey picture of a group of teenagers huddling together around a ridiculously big award, everyone looking just as happy as the other and it makes the old woman laugh with clear amusement.</p><p>"Darling, what is it about you and awards?" The woman inquires with a loud laugh as she picks the picture and looks at it directly, thoroughly, analyzing it, before looking at Rachel again. "But this may work," she accepts, shaking it in her hand with victoriously.</p><p>And Rachel smiles big as her still grey world seems to find an ounce of hope of seeing colour somewhere, thanks to the picture of her old show choir winning Nationals back in high school.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Just like Brody, she gets an address after her meeting with Ruby and her old lady powers.</p><p>Rachel can't help it but doubt a little the information the more she looks at the piece of paper, but then she isn't sure she can keep looking at it without wanting to meet whoever is on the other side of the very long red string that has them united.</p><p>Then she thinks about <em> Emily.</em></p><p>What if she gets there and she finds just a picture - or worse, she finds that <em> her </em> person has a whole resolved life and Rachel is being silly looking for them when they don't want her around.</p><p>Truly, it's a situation that causes her to turn a little insane the more she thinks about it.</p><p>"Stop that," Jesse scolds as Rachel moves her thigh up and down beside him on the couch as he enters the address in Google Maps. "Or I'll leave you to do this by yourself," he warns with a look.</p><p>"I could call Brody," Rachel counters with a roll of her eyes, but still she diminishes the movement of her thigh to almost <em> nothing. </em> "He could help me too, you know," she adds.</p><p>But Jesse laughs as he presses the search button. "Please, he won't ever be me," the man replies as the page finally shows them the address he has entered. "Got it," he sings songs, giving her the phone and grinning smugly. "And it's not far from here," he comments with a smirk.</p><p><em> "Oh my, </em> it really isn't that far," Rachel addresses as her eyes notice the theater where she works appearing by the corner of the map too.</p><p>"So?" Jesse asks, resting his head onto his open palm, observing her.</p><p>She breathes harshly, before shaking her head.</p><p>"I think I'll go tomorrow," Rachel replies with a nervous shrug as she stands from the couch. "Or next week, maybe, yeah."</p><p>"Wrong," he says, standing up too and throwing her coat at her, catching her off guard. "We are going now," Jesse declares with a nod.</p><p>"Jesse, <em> no." </em> </p><p>"Jesse, yes," he says pushing by her shoulders out of the apartment. She struggles to push him off, but he's taller and stronger.</p><p>Jesse closes the door behind himself, before taking her by her cheeks and staring at her. "Want it or not, we are going to find that poor soul that must be destined to be with you," he says, before dropping his hands to her shoulders and turning her around to push her in the direction of the grey elevators.</p><p><em> "Geez, </em> thanks," Rachel grumbles as she just lets herself be pushed by the shoulders. "Way to make me feel good." </p><p>"Someone has to," Jesse admonishes, before clicking the button to move down to the first floor and it's unnerving as the floor passes and the silence takes over. "Okay, what is it?" </p><p>"What if… what if they are dead?" Rachel throws back and her voice trembles. "Or I don't know, married; or worse, they don't like <em> musicals," </em> she offers with a shake of her head.</p><p>Jesse sighs longly, before replying, her nose caressing the bridge of his nose.</p><p>"Rachel, I'll ask you this because I love you." </p><p>She turns to him and waits.</p><p>"Would you be happier to not know?" he inquires, raising an eyebrow at her and she observes his grey face with attention. "Because if that's the deal, we go back up and we burn that piece of paper, forgetting this whole ordeal," Jesse offers with his hands up. "Zero judgment." </p><p>"You know I wouldn't," Rachel replies with a roll of her eyes as he moves his hands down and smiles at her cockily, pressing the button to the first floor again. "Also, zero judgment my ass - you would've pestered me until I went to see them," she corrects with a scoff. </p><p>"Of course I would," Jesse replies simply, fixing the neckline of his dress shirt as he smiles at his reflection over the wall. "That's what a best friend does." </p><p>And she can't really be pissed at him as he looks over at her and smiles.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Should we go in?"</p><p>"Yes. You asked that like three minutes ago," Jesse mocks and she sends him a glare, before moving her eyes to the grey door again. "C'mon stop glaring at me and go get your soulmate, you coward."</p><p>She closes her eyes, nervously releasing a breath, before opening her eyes and staring back at the visual of the grey door of the building.</p><p>A library, Ruby sent her to a library.</p><p>Yes, she doesn't get it either.</p><p>"Okay - I'm going in," Rachel says with a nod, but she can't move, she just remains standing there frozen.</p><p>"Fine, I'm done with this." </p><p>And suddenly, she's being lifted over a shoulder, her world upside down as Jesse carries her inside the building.</p><p>"Put me back down, jackass," Rachel yells, hitting his back with her fists.</p><p>"Fine," He says, putting her down and then dusting himself off, passing a hand through his hair. "Wasn't that easy?" </p><p>"I hate you, St. James." </p><p>"Yeah, whatever, time to find your <em> soulmate." </em> </p><p>And Rachel jumps slightly with surprise as she remembers why they are there for, looking with panic around her.</p><p>He walks away to a row of shelves by the corner and she stands there with distress, playing with the sleeve of her sweater.</p><p>But the place seems fairly empty, just shelves and shelves of books staring back at them in a seemingly lonely grey library and she deflates, turning to search for Jesse with a frown.</p><p>"This place seems empty, Jay," Rachel calls to her friend with a pout.</p><p>
  <em> "Excuse me - can I help you with something?" </em>
</p><p>And just as suddenly as the voice is heard, a flick of colour by one of the shelves presents the color of a book; it's a bright green book with fairly ugly colour, but it's a colour by all means and Rachel turns instantly to the source of the voice with awe to find a young beautiful woman who looks pretty much pissed off of being there.</p><p>She's wearing an apron with a little name tag, but Rachel's eyes are too unfocused and her heart is beating too loudly for her to read her name correctly.</p><p>"Uhm." So, she clears her throat awkwardly, before scrunching her nose and pointing at herself with a shaky finger. "I'm Rachel."</p><p>"Good for you," the woman replies with a sarcastic smile, but another fragment of colour appears by Rachel's vision and she can now distinguish that the woman has blonde hair, making her open her mouth with surprise. "Now, <em> Rachel, </em> are you looking for something or I can just <em> fuck off </em> and go shelve more books?" </p><p>And the mention of her name seems to alter everything as then three and four flecks appear, making her vision a grey one with spots of colours.</p><p>
  <em> Can it be…? </em>
</p><p>But the woman just stands there for three more seconds before she turns around and begins to walk away towards the back of the store, leaving her staring at her back with confusion.</p><p><em> "Wait!" </em> Rachel calls with urgency as she steps closer to the woman, who turns around with a frown and the brunette's heart seems to be running a lone race as their eyes meet. Maybe she can't see colours, but she almost swears those eyes must be <em> golden </em>with the way they capture her attention.</p><p>"What?" the woman inquires, her expression is a wall; Rachel can't see through it, she doesn't seem to be going through the same as her and it's just as confusing as it is frustrating.</p><p>"Uhm, just a little weird question," Rachel presents as she points at herself and her vision makes her if not a little nauseous as she asks. "But didn't you feel anything when you saw me?" she says, all of a sudden feeling two inches tall.</p><p>The blonde's expression goes through a whole journey, through multiple expressions and emotions; surprise, confusion, disbelief and then- </p><p>The blonde asks with a mirthless chuckle. "You don't believe in that soulmate crap, do you?"</p><p>It hurts, it's a punch to the gut and she can't help how much it hurts as she replies. </p><p>"As a matter of fact, yes, I do," Rachel answers tightly, crossing her arms over her torso, hugging herself a little. "Why wouldn't I believe in it?" she inquires with a frown.</p><p>"Soulmates are crap." Her tag name reads <em>Quinn </em>and Rachel memorizes it with bitterness as her eyes finally can focus, rage coursing through her body making her feel more present as the blonde continues. "To believe in them, <em>oh, </em>you must be pretty fucking delusional." </p><p>And something inside Rachel just snaps as she speaks, not just for herself, but for Brody and Emily and what happened to them.</p><p>"I won't allow you to speak to me like this," Rachel warns, moving to stand closer to the women, and really, she is gorgeous. It's worse up close as her heart beats and it feels like she's losing it, flecks of colour are showing and why does Rachel apparently have to have a soulmate that is <em> so </em> infuriating. "It's not the world's fault you seem to be a pretty selfish person, <em> Quinn," </em> she comments with a scoff.</p><p>It seems to be a low blow as Quinn steps closer, her face tightening with clear rage.</p><p>"Yeah? Well, it's not my fault either if I didn't see <em> shit </em> when I saw you, <em> Rachel Berry," </em> the seemingly blonde woman bites back, smirking with malice.</p><p>And it stings, because the more they keep talking, the more bits of colours that appear around them for Rachel to see and how it can be that just her facing <em> Quinn </em> that is causing all of this.</p><p>"Well, now you'll <em> damn </em> see it." </p><p>And Rachel doesn't bother to stop herself as she takes the woman's cheeks and moves her to kiss her.</p><p>It's like a bulb light goes off somewhere as their lips connect, her stomach turning upside down as a bomb of colours explodes behind Rachel's closed eyelids, like seeing fireworks after a long time and she breathes ruggedly, moving back as she opens her eyes, but then everything is back to <em> grey </em>again.</p><p>Not even flecks of colours appearing like before.</p><p>No, just straight greyness.</p><p><em> "What-?" </em> Rachel inquires, before a hand shoots up and comes across her cheek, making her gasp with surprise as she moves to hold her face and look at Quinn again with an affronted expression. "Why would you do that?" she snaps.</p><p>"Don't know, maybe, just maybe, there's the little possibility that says I didn't want to get <em> kissed </em> by you," Quinn snaps with a scoff, her eyes move around her face and it feels electric, even if the world still wears grey scales of colours.</p><p>"Rachel, everything right?" Jesse inquires as he appears from behind a row of books, clearly, he was watching them and she is glad for his concern as his expression transmits an aura of protectiveness.</p><p>"Yeah," she confirms, sending one look at Quinn, but the blonde is already moving away to stuff books and ignore her.</p><p>Rachel is about to turn to walk away, but then her mind starts to catch up with everything that has happened in the last few minutes and she turns sharply back to the woman who keeps blatantly ignoring her.</p><p>"Wait- you said my last name," She comments with a grin, pointing at Quinn with a finger, but the blonde doesn't face her and the performer continues. "You called me <em> Rachel Berry. </em>" </p><p>"Because you told me," the blonde woman says with a shrug, but a fleck of colour appears in Rachel's vision, way bigger than before.</p><p>"That's the thing," Rachel comments as she moves closer and the blonde breathes shakenly. "I know I didn't say my last name."</p><p>Quinn turns from the shelves, her eyes full of tears as she moves her hands up, keeping their distance on evidently shaky legs.</p><p>Still, she bites. "Don't move." </p><p>"But you knew it, didn't you?" Rachel inquires as another fleck of colour explodes and her left eye can see the colour of Quinn's uniform clearly, it's blue, it got golden details and she laughs. "You already know me." </p><p>"I'll slap you again, don't test me," Quinn warns with her hand up, but her arm is shaking, her eyes are teary and there's nothing more clear than she knows what is happening.</p><p>And Rachel steps back, just to give her some resemblance of control.</p><p>"Do it, if you want," she says with a shrug and a spark of golden appears as Quinn's eyes stare back at her. "But first tell me." And Rachel can't help the quiet sigh that leaves her lips at the beautiful sight. "Why are you making this so hard?" </p><p>Quinn just shakes her head "Go away" she says but her voice is cracking and tears are rolling down her grey cheeks.</p><p>"But-" The performer tries as a burst of colour appears, but then quickly goes back to grey as Quinn shakes her off.</p><p>"I said go away, Rachel" </p><p>"We should go" </p><p>Jesse's voice enters her ears and it's then that she realizes that her own cheeks have tears running down.</p><p>Rachel moves the back of her hand to wipe the tears, before turning to him.</p><p>"Yeah" </p><p>But before moving away, she whispers to the quietly crying blonde.</p><p>"Don't think this will be our last meeting, Quinn, there's not a chance I'll let you go now that I've finally found you" </p><p>And walking away from the blonde is the hardest thing she has ever done, but it feels necessary as Jesse takes her by the arm and walks them out of the building.</p><p>They both need to understand what it means for them to be so completely united by a fine thread of fate that looking at each other feels like screaming in colours.</p><p>"You'll be fine, babe" Jesse whispers, caressing her hair as they walk through the street, grey faces, grey shoes, grey cars "We found her, she just needs time, okay?" he continues, kissing her forehead as she sobs into his neck.</p><p>But she isn't crying for herself, she's crying because Quinn was alone at that library and no one must be holding her.</p><p>God, it feels like every step she takes, the world turns a darker shade of <em>grey</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>or rachel starts to see colours again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>finally, i have finished this piece of work, thanks to my beta emi for reading and beta-ing, but also to everyone who has encouraged me during the last few months to write and post the second part of this gift to my friend monique, honey, this goes to you! hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What's going on? Rachel said it was an emergency?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wait and listen, Fabio." </em>
</p><p>The whiteboard is just a plain harsh grey to her eyes and Rachel clears her throat loudly, instantly silencing both men.</p><p>Turning to look over at the one standing by the door, appearing very confused, she taps twice her marker on the whiteboard and greys eyes go to it, eyebrows raising with surprise.</p><p>
  <em>my soulmate.</em>
</p><p>"What about them?" Brody asks with a frown, hands in his hips. He’s wearing workout clothes, earphones still blasting loud music. There's sweat running down his neck that makes her scrunch up her nose in disgust.</p><p>Brody may be handsome, caring, and a good friend, but god, he can be obtuse sometimes.</p><p>"I called you here, Brody, because today I met them,” the performer stresses with a tight smile. She glances at her watch briefly and adds, "To be more exact, just an hour ago, I met the person who I'm destined to share my life with." The brunette gives a short, precise nod, internally cringing at the grey that meets her eyes.</p><p>"So, you met your soulmate," Brody repeats with a confused expression. His smile is visible and she nods again, turning around to continue writing down on the whiteboard before her. "Shouldn't you be happy about that?" he asks, and her eyes painfully close as grey tones glare back at her, almost mocking her. "Wait - can you see colours now?"</p><p>"God, you truly are a himbo," Jesse pipes from somewhere behind her.</p><p>"A him - who?"</p><p>"Leave him alone, Jess," Rachel cuts. She turns around to look at both men and both of them turn towards her with different chastised expressions, her best friend seeming mostly annoyed at her. "And no, Brody, sadly, that's not the...occasion," she stresses with a tighter smile, focussing on him.</p><p>"So you called me for an emergency meeting at…" Brody trails off. She observes him checking his watch and he laughs with clear disbelief in his tone. "Eleven in the morning - Jesus, Rachel, how bad it was?" the man asks carefully, grey eyes shining with worry as he glances back at her.</p><p>Once upon a time, an incredibly annoyed Jesse described Brody's blue eyes for her. Rachel realizes she really wishes she could see them right now, to bask in the comfort they would provide.</p><p>But, unfortunately, she can't do that.</p><p>Wiping her cheek as another tear escapes, the Broadway star accepts the tissue from her best friend as he stands up from the couch to offer her another from the box in the coffee table.</p><p>One big deep breath and she explains.</p><p>"Well, she insulted me, then called soulmates something delusional," Rachel enumerates easily with a forced smile as her heart beats loudly. She raises her hand and laughs nervously as the expression of her friend turns visibly pained. Putting her hands on her hips, the performer continues, "So, I kissed her to prove, you know, that we are soulmates." She gives a nod and a wry smile, bracing an arm around her stomach as the colourless scene replays through her system, grey tones overshadowing an already painful moment for her. "She slapped me, of course, and it was completely justified as I didn't ask for consent in any way before doing so," she adds with a dismissive shake of her head.</p><p>"That's… tough," Brody comments dryly. He then briefly sips the water bottle he has been carrying with him.</p><p>"Yeah," She agrees, throwing some mints inside her mouth as she tilts her head and scrunches up her nose at the grey ceiling. Her mouth tastes bitter, so maybe it's just the memory of the meeting and nothing else. "Then it got worse, because she told me to get out of the store and never go back," Rachel continues, putting a hand to her cheek as she remembers colours and greys and confusing feelings.</p><p>"That's a bluff, by the way," Jesse pipes up from his seat as he fills his nails and she sends him a glare for ruining her tale, but he just continues, visibly unfazed, "She didn't say that."</p><p>"Well, it certainly felt like that," Rachel comments back. She moves until she's sitting down on the couch with her head resting on her best friend's shoulder. It's comforting, but not enough, never enough as the world stares back in grey and she thinks about Quinn crying. "In fact, it feels worse, because she knows who I am," Rachel continues with a scoff as she points at herself and shrugs. "I don't know how, but she knows me and doesn't want anything to do with me," she says with a tight smile before a groan leaves her body and tears start to roll down her cheeks again. Her throat let’s out an anguished loud cry of pain. "God, why doesn't she want me?"</p><p>
  <em>"Honey." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Rach." </em>
</p><p>But she shakes her head at both men, keeping her hands up to keep them at distance as she stands up from the couch.</p><p>"It's not necessary, I'm okay, guys, I just need to - let it all out," Rachel says with a sniff, opening her eyes and gazing at grey faces with concerned expression. She shakes her head at them, nodding once more and she may get dizzy if she keeps doing that. "Then I'll be empty of this hopelessness that's currently filling my body and I will start working towards getting Quinn to give us a chance," she explains easily with a nod towards the grey whiteboard.</p><p>
  <em>my soulmate.</em>
</p><p>Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Jesse rolling his eyes at her. Meanwhile, Brody just stares in silence, his brows up almost touching his hairline.</p><p>"I'm glad you're stubborn," her best friend finally says, his lips turning up. Jesse seems less on the edge as he stands up from the couch to open his arms at her.</p><p>Rachel laughs, moving tears with the back of her hand as the man wraps his arms around her, tightly holding her to his chest as she snuggles into his chest.</p><p>"Does this mean we are done?" </p><p>She moves her head away from Jesse's chest to look at her other friend, the one who has grey tears in his eyes and a resigned smile in his face and it feels like a long overdue official goodbye has finally found them.</p><p>Even though they have been over as an item for days now.</p><p>"Yeah," Rachel whispers with a sad smile as she offers a grey hand towards Brody. He takes it with his own. There aren't colours for them, but it still warms her heart and maybe that's enough for them, it's enough for her. "But not as friends," she adds with a grin.</p><p>His expression is one of love and care and it falls into place like a piece, but just for another puzzle.</p><p>"You know it," Brody replies with his own grin, shaking his head at her, giving her hand a last squeeze before letting it fall and stepping back. "I'll have to go now, but I want to hear about this plan of yours later," he continues, picking up his grey bottle of water and moving to the door, walking out of the apartment with a brief wave towards them.</p><p>Jesse and her stand there in the middle of the living room, just hugging each other as they rock gently from side to side. The silence of the apartment settling around them comfortably, the events of the day falling into place around them in a colourless world.</p><p>"So, this plan of yours?" Jesse inquires quietly, his head resting over hers as his hands rub her back in gentle circles. She really could fall asleep to it.</p><p>She sighs contently at the warmness of his embrace surrounding her. "Shhh, you're ruining the moment," Rachel murmurs, moving apart to look up at him. Jesse’s eyes are shining. She hardly remembers the colour of them now, hopefully soon she'll see them again if everything goes right because she misses it. "Better tell me about yourself, Mister; who are you currently doing?" </p><p>He laughs, his expression turning into instant mischief as he begins his tale, hands loosening around her frame to look down at her.</p><p>"Oh, just a backup dancer," Jesse replies nonchalantly, raising his brow at her and she squints back at him with a suspicious grin. "Although, Ben got great vocals too." </p><p>It takes her a second before Rachel scrunches up her nose at him and comments, moving back to hug him tightly, "TMI, buddy, next time just say he has a nice voice," with a chuckle.</p><p>Jesse laughs louder this time and she can't stop thinking how much she loves this man.</p><p>And, some days, Rachel still wishes they would be soulmates, because it would be easier to just have him as one, but now that there is Quinn on the horizon, she can't help but feel starved at the prospect of her. </p><p>A woman that seems too mysterious, beautiful - it just takes her natural curious attention away to her.</p><p>"Wanna talk about her?" Jesse offers. She shakes her head, closing her eyes as her expression settles in something like peace and he puts his chin to rest on her head. "C'mon, I know you want to, she's gorgeous and a little mean - your type, right?”</p><p>This time when she laughs, it feels like the weight over her shoulders gets a little lighter and the grey by her vision seems a little less harsh. </p><p>No longer does it feel like wishful thinking when specks of colours meet her eyes, even for a second before going away.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Returning to show business after meeting her soulmate brings a renewed, if not new strange energy to her body and performance.</p><p>Ryan, her co-star, tells her, the makeup crew tells her, even the reviews of the latest shows come with words that throw flowers at her feet and Rachel frowns as she reads over the words of the Broadway Review on the grey screen of her phone.</p><p>
  <em>"From a fairly colourless and lackluster performance, the lead performer came to change our minds, showing that Fanny Brice can suffer just like she sings: in a beautifully captivating way."</em>
</p><p>She breathes harshly, closing the tab and throws her phone on a grey pocket.</p><p>Quinn comes to her mind and to say that she sings to her every night isn't an exaggeration, Rachel can't help but feel the story a hundred times more as she performs and thinks about leaving the library, entering a grey world, leaving her soulmate behind.</p><p>And for her personal life to be fueling her performance, it's both expected, but also harsh.</p><p>Her breakfast gets forgotten as she gets her keys, picks up her coat on the way to the door and goes out on a grey world, but with a colourful mind full of ideas to pick up from.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"You got this, just be cool," Rachel whispers to herself under her breath before smiling brightly. She pushes the grey door with grey fingertips, holding her chin as high as she can without decapitating herself with the gesture.</p><p>Inside the colourless library, stands a young couple, not older than 20 each, mostly walking around eyeing titles by the shelves, their hands together in an intimate, but also public gesture of affection and the corner of her lips lift involuntary as she watches them from afar, not moving away from the entry of the library as she steps inside.</p><p>"What are you doing here?"</p><p>Instantly, specks of colours invade her vision and Rachel turns around to search for her.</p><p>
  <em>Quinn.</em>
</p><p>Who's rolling a little trolley with piles of new books wrapped in plastic. Her expression is tight, closed, Rachel can't help but feel the thrill of knowing that the blonde isn't as unaffected as she tries to act when those eyes shine back with something.</p><p>"Came here for a book, of course," Rachel answers with a nervous smile, tilting her head to the shelves as she steps further into the place, dropping the grey knob. "What else would I be doing here?" she inquires innocently, putting her hands on her coat pockets and clenching them into fists, fighting the desire to reach.</p><p>Her soulmate seems esceptic of her words, squinting her eyes at her, but the performer just shrugs, shining back an innocent smile, waiting for a rebuttal.</p><p>"Which book?" the library worker inquires shortly after a second, rolling the trolley the other way and beginning to fill the shelves with new book copies, keeping her eyes away from her.</p><p>Rachel follows her, standing a respectable distance from her, but still close.</p><p>It's close, not as close as the other day, it still burns her up as she bites her lip, just thinking about how delicious it would be to move closer and take those now grey, but probably pink lips with her own against the wood shelves, not caring if the books fall and hell breaks loose.</p><p>Her heart stammers and Rachel laughs nervously, looking for anything to reply as she remembers the inquiry.</p><p>"You know, that one," She states lamely, scrunching up her nose to herself and adding with more eloquence. "About the woman - girl, the one that saves the world, of course, the chosen one," the performer continues with a serious nod as Quinn looks her way.</p><p>But the woman just rolls her eyes at her before looking away with a short sigh.</p><p>"So, basically every <em>Young Adult</em> novel since twenty eleven," Quinn comments. She raises a brow her way, continuing her task, putting up more books onto the shelf and moving onto the next shelf and some specks turn back to grey.</p><p>"There must be a reason why they are so popular," Rachel suggests as she follows Quinn with slow steps, trying to keep the distance, even if it feels like fighting gravity laws or magnetic force.</p><p>"They sell, that's about it," the seemingly blonde woman comments. She fixes the columns of the books over the shelves to align, leaving perfect rows of books to the view of customers.</p><p>Rachel watches Quinn's hands with attention. She tries to not think about nefarious thoughts as delicate grey fingers touch gently the back of some grey books before moving away, but just being close to the woman is sending her senses in overdrive as colourful spots appear on her vision and she has to clear her throat to not sounds as aroused just by looking at hands.</p><p>"Well, I think there must be something beyond money to keep writers going for female lead characters as of lately," Rachel comments with a serious nod and a shrug. She touches the column of some books herself, it's not touching her skin, but it works to ease her a little, like taking a bite of a dessert to taste. "Can representation be performative? Yes, but not for that reason is bad, in fact, we have obtained tons of representation that has pushed writers to dig into other minorities to enrich their stories and for that I'm forever grateful," Rachel continues. She takes a deep breath before offering a shrug, trying to not feel weird as the blonde stares back at her in silence.</p><p>The silence continues and Rachel swallows tightly, stepping away from the selves, dropping her hand and trying to not feel like a fool.</p><p>"Do you ever stop talking?" Quinn asks dryly, but there's no malice in her words, it seems like genuine curiosity and the brunette has to look away to not let herself turn to mush right there, because she can see tiny bits of colour and to pursue them would be foolish, tiny steps, she says, tiny steps. "Like, seriously, is there ever a time you're just - silent?"</p><p>"Not really, my fathers did say I was born to be listened to," Rachel replies with a shy shrug as her eyes look briefly into Quinn's grey ones, if she concentrates enough, she swears they almost look golden again and it makes her heart soar.</p><p>"Fathers?" the woman inquires with clear interest, eyes sparkling. "Is that plural for two?"</p><p>Rachel looks away from her as she tilts her head with a shy smile. "Yeah I got two fathers," she confirms with a nod, looking into the grey-hazel eyes again. "Is that a problem for you?"</p><p>She may know that they are soulmates, but to add to their problems that Quinn is also an homophobic person, Rachel would rather walk away now and give up.</p><p>Just for the day, though, she is persistent and headstrong, maybe too much for her own good sometimes.</p><p>But Quinn shakes her head as her lips lift, it's not a smile, but it's a sign of amicability. "No," she replies quietly and her head turns as she pushes the trolley car away. </p><p><em>Yes!</em> </p><p>Rachel doesn't do a victory dance right there, but the wish is there as she just smiles with unabridged happiness, trying to not do anything stupid, like moving to hug her or anything.</p><p>"Good to know," She comments enthusiastically, adding without preamble in a noncommittal voice, little sparks of colour are present in her vision. "I'm bisexual myself" </p><p>"Didn't ask," Quinn comments, not even sparing her a look, but the brunette observes with interest as her posture once rigid becomes a little more relaxed.</p><p>They say that one should count battles as victories as the war still rages on and Rachel begins to tally hers with a golden pen, following the woman further into the store with the pretence of a book.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It becomes a thing.</p><p>Not an official thing, less a their thing, but a thing nonetheless as Rachel goes to the theatre and searches for little windows of time to present herself at the library to chat up the woman that makes sparks of colours appear in her vision everytime they interact.</p><p>Quinn pretends to be annoyed by her for the whole time, but the tightness of her expression starts to lessen as days pass by, one by one, until one day she just receives her with a little smile that makes Rachel see like 5% of colours again for hours before her world shifts to grey back once more. She goes to bed with a smile and a rhythm in her heart. It’s probably not a healthy thing, but it's becoming familiar the more time she spends with her soulmate.</p><p>No, they don't talk about being soulmates.</p><p>They don't talk about colours and they, definitely, do not talk about Quinn's aversion to acknowledge what they are.</p><p>Family, friends, personal lives join the censored pile. Rachel tries her best to stick to the unspoken rules as she missteps one day and ends up being ignored for an hour before giving up and going back to her apartment.</p><p>Tiny steps, tiny steps, let's just wait for them to turn into strides that will take her to pigmented lands.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then, there comes a day that the dynamic surprisingly changes as one simple and fairly normal question leaves Quinn's lips. They are sharing the front desk, the rest of the library embraced by complete grey silence and Rachel tries to not overreact as it happens.</p><p>"Are you...seeing anyone?"</p><p>It makes Rachel almost snap her neck as she sharply turns to look at the woman, who is currently typing the inventory of the store on a computer as the newest worker at the library, Santana, rearranges the books in the vitrine with the speed of a snail.</p><p>Just the three of them are inside the store and it's like the question echoes inside the place as spots of colour explode before her opened eyes, blinding her for a second.</p><p>"No," the performer answers with a frown, lowering the script that her manager has sent her to look over for a potential new role. Her hands shake a little and the sparks of colours don't help her any better as she blinks confusedly at the women behind the desk, but Quinn isnt looking at her. "Not for weeks, at least," she adds as an afterthought as she thinks about Brody and their little affair/companionship.</p><p>She notices how Quinn is still staring at the screen of the computer with concentration, but the way she keeps biting her bottom lip, it tells Rachel that there is no way inventory is making her feel that conflicted.</p><p>"What about you?" She finds herself asking against her better judgement and it's scary, because they must have been doing this - this not hanging out thing - for over two weeks already, it must be the happiest Rachel has been on a while, but there is nothing, absolutely nothing, holding exclusivity over their heads and the performer knows it.</p><p>Even if it hurts to admit it when all she wants is to kiss Quinn again and convince her to give them a try.</p><p>"I went out with this girl the other day," Quinn admits. Her cheeks darken in grey tones that Rachel tries to picture as red, her stomach bottoms out a little, her heart cracking a little bit with the admission. "Blair," her soulmate adds shortly, like the name holds some significance, but the emotionlessness of her tone denies it.</p><p>The performer's heart beats louder, losing sight of the few colours that her eyes could see at the moment, but Rachel just smiles, even if it hurts, even if it feels like being stabbed right in the middle of her chest, even if all she wants to ask at the moment is: ‘What does she have that I don't?’ and then scream ‘I'm your soulmate, Quinn! Why wont you go out with me!?’</p><p>But she doesn't - she can't do that.</p><p>Tiny steps.</p><p>"And?" Rachel pushes with a forced smile, keeping her heart from bursting out of her chest and running away as she digs her nails into her own grey palms. "Is there a chance for a second date?" </p><p>Finally, Quinn turns to her and their eyes meet, both visibly tensing as the question settles over them, a loud silence settling over them.</p><p>Luckily, or not, the third person in the store drops a book by the vitrine. The sound of it disrupts the staring as they glance to the door, looking back at each other over the computer and the silence of the store again.</p><p><em>"Stupid bitch ass books, good for nothing, pieces of garbage,"</em> the latina loudly grumbles, headphones blasting music loudly enough for them to know she's listening to Amy Winehouse.</p><p>Rachel chuckles with humor as she looks down again at the page on her hands.</p><p>"No." </p><p>The answer comes and Rachel picks up her staring to look at the woman behind the desk, who's shaking her head slowly, eyes on the screen in front of her.</p><p>"I don't - I'm not currently looking to start a relationship now," Quinn continues and she looks over at Rachel, mouth set on a thin line that transmits nothing at all, but her eyes - her eyes always try to speak for her. "At least, not with her," her soulmate adds slowly, moving grey eyes to the screen of the computer, fingers adding more words onto the Excel document. It feels final, like she won't allow herself to say more.</p><p>But it's enough.</p><p>Rachel nods, trying to not read too much into it, but the last words. The little fireworks of red, blues, and green explode before her eyes. They speak volumes more. She grins shyly, moving back to her script.</p><p>They don't need to talk - she can wait. Yeah, she can.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Not that Rachel really is an expert at dealing with her patience.</p><p>
  <em>you: hey.</em>
</p><p>Her best friend always teases her about it and it proves to be right she doesn't have that much patience when her fingers move, pressing down letters and sending a message before she thinks better of it.</p><p>Brody congratulates her for taking the step and Santana, well, she gave her the cellphone number in the first place - that way winning a place on her friend group. Still, she straight up laughs when she finds out that Rachel couldn't resist more than a few days with it before texting Quinn.</p><p>"You suck at this," Santana admonishes with a mocking smile. She lifts her beer and takes a long gulp from it.</p><p>Jesse nods from the other end of the couch.</p><p>"Listen, I'm always on your side, babe," he says, sipping from his flute as he puts a hand to his heart and flutters his lashes at her. "But, sadly, Lopez got a point." </p><p>Feeling suddenly very attacked by her friends, Rachel turns to her last resource, who is currently nursing a glass of juice and the only one of them actually paying attention to the movie.</p><p>"Brody," She whines and he turns to her with a frown, Rachel lifts the phone.</p><p>He hums, nodding with a smile as grey eyes shine. "I think you're doing great," Brody comments and she beams at him.</p><p>"Fuck no, she isn't," Santana interrupts as she points at her with a manicured nail that just looks grey to Rachel. "Listen, Berry and listen good 'cus I'm not gonna say it again," she declares pointedly and the smaller brunette nods fervently as her new friend turns serious. "That bitch must be hurting for a valid reason, God knows what is it and who did it to her," she exclaims with clear bitterness across her features and there's a story there too unlock too as seemingly grey eyes shine back with rage, but Rachel knows better than to expose the woman by mentioning in front of Jesse and Brody, so she just nods. "But it's time to help her heal, instead of stepping around eggshells like the girl will break in any minute." </p><p>And it makes too much sense as Rachel closes her eyes and sighs tiredly, thinking about contained conversations that shine back with more than just frustration, where they step around the other in a dance that seems to be leading to exactly nowhere.</p><p>She opens her eyes, passing a hand through her hair. "Okay, fair, then what should I text her?" She asks quietly, her eyes to the ceiling. </p><p><em>"Hey babe, wanna come to my sexcave?"</em> Santana offers with a dirty grin. Rachel looks at her and scoffs.</p><p>"No," Rachel dismisses, looking over to her best friend. "Jess?" </p><p>"Something like - <em>hey quinn would you like to go out sometime?"</em> He offers with a lazy shrug. "I don't know, people just come to me, this is unknown territory," he continues with a cocky grin that Santana quickly wips by throwing a cushion to him as they start insulting each other.</p><p>But it's obvious to Rachel that going out equals dating to Quinn and it's not a good opening when the woman has been hinting about her issues with going out and dating as a whole.</p><p>Finally, she turns to Brody and lifts an eyebrow at him as he opens his mouth, trying to ignore the commotion beside him.</p><p><em>"Hey, would you like to come over, my friends and I are eating pizza and being stupid?"</em> Brody says easily with his hands up, turning to the TV.</p><p>"That…" Rachel trails off as she picks up her phone again and thinks about it. "Actually sounds halfway decent to continue a conversation" </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>you: quinn, this is rachel, i was wondering if you would like to come over to my apartment, there's pizza, booze and movies, just a small get together (jesse and two other friends)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you: one of those friends being your only coworker, who gave me your number, sorry for that</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you: don't know how, but now, she's friends with my friends. help.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Santana grumbles with offense as Rachel shows them the texts, holding up her phone. "Send it, this is getting boring already," she comments, sipping her beverage again as she dodges a pillow from Jesse.</p><p>Rachel turns to Jesse, who drops his attacks to pay attention to her.</p><p>"Good enough, probably will work," Jesse accepts with a nod. He sips his flute once more as he moves back to the movie.</p><p>Brody just grins at her and goes, "Go for it."</p><p>And Rachel presses send before she can doubt it, starting to overthink more, she lowers the phone to the coffee table and leaves it there, moving her attention to the movie.</p><p>
  <em>Pitch Perfect.</em>
</p><p>Santana's pick, which everyone seems to be starting to pay more attention as Rachel just idles by her spot at the couch, playing with her sleeve as she waits for an answer.</p><p>Ten minutes go, Santana stands to sing the rip-off with Jesse and Brody as back up, it's an entertaining sight, even in grey tones. Rachel just laughs before joining them, trying to relax her tense body and anxious thoughts.</p><p>They all laugh as Santana starts to rap No Diggity just in time with the movie.</p><p>But three quick and loud sounds signalize new messages, making the small brunette woman turn to the table that has been pushed away for them to sing and dance freely with sharp eyes. Rachel quickly steps up to it to gaze at a grey screen.</p><p>Thank God, she fixed the screen a long time ago or else she would simply consider a glitch what she is reading over it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>quinn: well that explains how you got my number.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>quinn: it sounds like a nice evening though</em>
</p><p>
  <em>quinn: should I bring something?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Oh my…" Rachel exclaims loudly as the device falls from her grip, but this time it's received by the fluffy rug underneath their socked feet and she shakes her head quickly to slip off the stupor.</p><p>She picks it up and realizes that she actually has to reply to the woman.</p><p><em>"We out,"</em> Santana exclaims as both men clap with different expressions, Jesse looks impressed, just mildly so, meanwhile Brody is just nodding with a big smile and it's then that the three of them realize that she has been quietly standing there with frozen hands, her eyes fixed onto the screen of her phone.</p><p>"She texted back," the Broadway star whispers as her eyes move to gaze at her friends who just stare back in silence. "Quinn replied to my texts - What do I do now?"</p><p>But instead of telling her, the latina just walks up to her to steal her phone and Rachel tries to reach for it, but Santana jumps over the couch with ease as the men observe them with matching frowns.</p><p>"This will work," the latina yells mockingly, visibly pushing letters to form a message.</p><p><em>"Give it back, Santana!</em> Or I swear I'll make you regret ever doing this to me!" the performer growls, rounding up the couch as she moves her arms to get to the device, but the woman just turns around and gives it to her.</p><p>"You're welcome," Quinn's coworker says to her, patting her shoulder to then move to continue the movie, sitting down on the couch.</p><p>With fearful eyes Rachel reads the words typed on the phone, holding her breath as grey darkens. She prepares to kick the woman out of her apartment - and maybe, her life too.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>you: just yourself</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you: and more booze.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you: here's the address //http.www.mapsync.com//42hdj6</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Thank... you?" Rachel whispers with warmness over her cheeks, before clearing her throat and moves to sit by the couch. She sits beside a way too smug Santana, who doesn't look away from the screen of the TV, but her expression says enough for Rachel. "That was a fairly appropriate reply, I think," she mutters awkwardly, flattening the crease in her sweats.</p><p>The TV screen looks grey to her own eyes, but a little spark of colour shines off Chloe's hair on screen that causes Rachel to smile.</p><p>"Wait - Quinn's coming now," Rachel exclaims. She stands up, but looks down at her clothes. She's wearing comfy sweats and a simple t-shirt, but suddenly it feels not enough as she runs to her room to change.</p><p><em>"This will be fun,"</em> she hears Santana say.</p><p>God, who convinced her to do this-</p><p>"Santana I fucking hate you," Rachel mutters under her breath. She takes off her shirt and starts to look over her drawer.</p><p>But just a bunch of grey fabrics greets her eyes. She groans and calls loudly. "Jesse-"</p><p>
  <em>"Coming."</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The bell ring at the front door comes almost half an hour later. </p><p>Rachel is frantically preparing margaritas over the kitchen, a halfway drunk Santana loudly quoting the movie from the living room as Jesse replies that those aren't the actual quotes, while Brody tries to not pass out as he yawns by the other side of the couch.</p><p>"Quinn's here," she whispers to herself, swallowing tightly. She moves her hands away from the blender and looks over the open area of the kitchen towards the front door. "She's here," Rachel repeats with a bright smile.</p><p>The grey door stares back at her. There's a second bell ring that makes the woman trip over herself to get to it before any of her ridiculous friends can do it.</p><p>Even Brody can be a risk, it doesn’t matter that he’s pretty much falling asleep by the couch.</p><p>"Hi," Rachel greets, opening the door to the beautiful sight of a shyly smiling Quinn, who has a bottle of wine in one hand, her eyes look grey, but Rachel can almost see the gold on them as the blonde smiles back at her.</p><p>"Hey," replies Quinn, her brow rising slowly. "Can I come in?"</p><p>She's wearing ripped jeans, vans, and a flannel. Rachel tries to not stare as the woman enters the apartment. She notices her backside, but quickly averts her eyes out of respect.</p><p>Closing the door behind them, Rachel faces the living room with a grin, noticing there is one less person there now.</p><p><em>"Quinnie!"</em> the latina calls with glee, cupping her hands around her mouth, taking the attention of everyone inside the apartment to her.</p><p>Rachel frowns.</p><p>"She's wasted already?" the blonde asks, lifting a questioningly eyebrow at her. Rachel lifts her hands with a serious expression.</p><p>"To be fair, she entered that door already smelling like beer," the performer replies with a shrug. She awkwardly clears her throat and tilts her head to the man who is standing before them. "Quinn, you know my best friend, Jesse," Rachel says with a flourish to her best friend.</p><p>"Yeah, I do," Quinn acknowledges shortly, her expression serious, but not unfriendly, just…guarded. "Hey," she says simply.</p><p>Rachel holds her breath as Jesse crosses his arms over his chest. His hoodie is making a rare appearance on his frame, but it's Friday and all of them seem to be needing the extra comfort after a long week of work. "Good evening, Fabray," he replies with a grin. "Nice flannel."</p><p>There's an awkward tension between the two of them and Rachel takes it off by remembering that Quinn is still carrying the grey bottle on her arms. "Shall we take that to the kitchen?" she offers, tilting her head in said direction and as she starts to walk, the sound of small steps following her make her grin to herself.</p><p>"So, this is your place?" </p><p>Comes the velvety voice of the other woman and Rachel turns around to catch her leaving the bottle on the counter, hidden golden eyes looking at the mix on the blender with some clear amusement there.</p><p>"It's… <em>lush,"</em> Quinn comments with an impressed smile as she looks back at her over the counter. Rachel moves to serve some margarita for herself. "Guess, since you're a Broadway star, it comes with the job," she adds, but there isn't any malice with her words as she glances towards the marble counters.</p><p>"Do you like it?" Rachel counters with a smile, trying to act nonchalant as she sips her drink and then moves it back down onto the counter. "Because I may love the stage, but being home brings a joy to me that not even playing Evita would," she admonishes, blushing as she realizes the direct staring.</p><p>But instead of teasing her, the blonde touches the counter and goes, "I love it." </p><p>And Rachel needs something else to distract herself because she's sipping her drink again and to be feeling like colours are bubbling up her throat, but it's just alcohol, it may not be the greatest idea while trying to keep herself cool in front of the other woman.</p><p>"Want a bottle opener for that?" she asks, opening the drawer and offering it to the blonde, who takes it with a nod.</p><p>"Thanks." </p><p>Their hands touch - it's the first contact of skin they've had since that kiss that Rachel now lives to regret as it makes her think of tears and badly handled situations, but Quinn is smiling at her and some colours appear in Rachel's vision as their fingertips briefly meet and then separate.</p><p>It's just like the gentle kiss in the cheek from a lover, just as short, just as sweet as both stare at each other.</p><p>"Hey, Rach, do you got any energy drinks left I'm spent-"</p><p>She smiles tightly as the interruption comes, because, of course, it would come, her left eye twitching as Quinn retrieves the bottle opener and begins to uncork the wine bottle.</p><p>Brody stands there looking at Quinn before looking back at Rachel. A grin over his tired expression as his gaze goes back to Quinn.</p><p>"You must be Quinn," he inquires, putting his hands in his hips and the blonde looks back at him, acknowledging his presence with a clear drawback from her previous expression.</p><p>"Must be?" She asks, jutting her hip and resting it by the counter. "Who are you?"</p><p>"Sorry I should've introduced myself first, I'll do it now," the man says with a laugh, offering a hand up to her as he glances at Rachel before going back to her soulmate. "I'm Brody.”</p><p>Quinn lip twitches and Rachel tries to not read too much into it as the woman plainly ignores the gesture to pour wine in one of the displayed glasses by the counter, her expression evidently losing the edge of playfulness it had a few seconds ago.</p><p>"Good to know," the blonde replies instead. Quinn picks up her glass and moves to the living room, leaving Rachel and Brody alone in the kitchen.</p><p>And it gives Rachel such a whiplash that she just drinks the entirety of her glass in one go before serving herself some more.</p><p>
  <em>"Wow." </em>
</p><p>"Yeah," she replies slowly. She opens the refrigerator and offers an energy drink to him.</p><p>"She's…." Brody trails off, just clicking the can open and taking a long sip from it.</p><p>Many words come to her mind as he drinks the beverage, way too many, some are just straight up nonsensical and some are just-</p><p>"Really mean," he adds, after swallowing.</p><p>Rachel just punches his shoulder as he laughs, instantly moving away to rub the affected area with a wince.</p><p>"Don't ever talk about my soulmate like that," She warns, before picking up her glass and moving pass him in direction to the living room. "Jerk."</p><p>"Thanks for the drink," Brody replies, sipping again as he follows her into the living room area.</p><p>There they find Santana, who is singing the last musical number of the movie; Jesse, who looks almost if weirdly perturbed but interested witnessing it and then Quinn, who seems plainly entertained as she watches her coworker performing while she sips wine.</p><p><em>"Don't you - forget about me,"</em> the latina sings, moving her head side to side as she jumps in front of the TV.</p><p><em>"Party in the USA,"</em> Quinn sings and Santana turns to her with a devilish smile. "No." But her lips are moving upward.</p><p><em>"Tonight, I will love, love you tonight,"</em> Santana sings loudly, maybe yelling a little bit, pointing at the blonde. </p><p>Quinn laughs, shaking her head at her.</p><p><em>"Give me everything tonight,"</em> the blonde sings.</p><p>Rachel drops her mouth open, because Quinn's singing voice is sexy and red spots are appearing that show the colour of the blonde's flannel as she steps further into the living room.</p><p><em>"For all we know, we might not get tomorrow,"</em> the latina yells, jumping more excitedly as the blonde stands too to use the TVs remote as a mic.</p><p><em>"Let's do it tonight,"</em> both sing together and their voices mash so well that it's kind of disconcerting as they start to laugh and then toast with their drinks.</p><p>"I'm not sure what I've just witnessed," Jesse exclaims as he stands from the couch and bypasses them on his way to the kitchen. "But it was something," he adds dramatically.</p><p>Brody scoffs at the dramatics as he claps and Rachel just shakes her head, taking a place by the loveseat, trying to not as subtly look at the blonde, who has her eyes in the ending of the movie.</p><p>But their eyes inevitably meet across the room as Quinn turns to look at her and it's truly magnetic, like the moment where you just know that they can't stop finding each other in crowded rooms like it's just the two of them there.</p><p><em>“Nice voice,”</em> Rachel mouths and colour appears in Quinn's cheeks as the blonde shakes her head, the performer sighs deeply as they keep their eyes locked together.</p><p>"St. <em>Jackass,</em> bring me a beer!" Santana calls loudly. She steals his seat at the couch and crosses one leg over the other.</p><p>The brunette rubs the bridge of her nose as once again the interruption cuts their moment.</p><p>"There's no more beer, we just got wine," Rachel expresses with a sardonic smile as she looks over at the latina draping herself over one side of the grey couch.</p><p>"Well, who will go out for more?" Santana replies, starting to braid her own hair, just plainly ignoring the movie.</p><p>"Why aren't you watching the end of the movie that you literally forced us to watch with you?" Brody inquires as he sits by the loveseat too and Rachel doesn't miss the way that Quinn's eyes cut to him, like, literally cut.</p><p>"I just watch it for the music, <em>duh,"</em> The latina replies with a disinterested hand, like battling away flies. "Also - what's the point? Beca kisses a boy," she says making a puking gesture with her hand.</p><p>"Hate to say this, but agree," Quinn pipes up and everyone turns to look at her</p><p>as she elaborates more. "Beca doesn't kiss Chloe? What's the point then - Jesse?" She makes a gesture to the TV just as the screen shows said characters kissing and Rachel furrows her brows as the argument dawns on her. "See, that's horrifying, these two interesting women had this whole lot of amazing chemistry and they ignored it to make her end up with a man."</p><p>Brody hums. "That makes sense,” he comments and Rachel seems the only one to notice the glare that her soulmate is giving him.</p><p><em>"Hey,"</em> the latina pipes, turning to him with inquisitive eyes. "You kind of look like Jesse."</p><p>"Who's the handsome who looks like me?" their own Jesse replies, his glass filled with more wine as he sits by the couch, just pushing Santana's feet out of the way.</p><p>"Not you," Quinn replies as she sips her wine and points her glass to the last image of the movie, where the characters start auditioning people for the next generation. "Jesse from the movie and - him,” the blonde adds and the tone is definitely there as her glass points at Brody.</p><p>Rachel isn't imagining things, right?</p><p>"Well, Skylar's overrated and still not as handsome as me," Jesse comments. He proceeds to sip his wine and turns to Rachel. She’s trying to not stare too much at Quinn but keeps failing as she analyzes every expression the woman does. "You said I could pick the next one?"</p><p>"What do you have in mind?" Rachel inquires, but Jesse just grins as he reaches for the remote.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>The Rocky Horror Picture Show</em> goes smoothly for all of thirty minutes before a wild peanut fight unleashes out of nowhere in the living room.</p><p>A war that ultimately ends when Rachel has to go wash her hair after Santana decides that it would give her the victory if she were to drop an entire onion dip over the smaller woman's head.</p><p>An action that finally got Santana kicked out of the apartment, at least, for the night.</p><p>Not before telling all of them that they sucked and that was the lamest Friday night of her whole life.</p><p>"Stop moving,” Jesse scolds as Rachel squirms away to try to take a peek over the open door and towards the living room.</p><p>But her best friend turns her head back and keeps cleaning her hair, she sighs loudly.</p><p>"She is sitting out there alone with him," Rachel says in a yell-whisper trying to not freak out, but she kinda is doing it anyway. "Did you even notice how she glared at him during the movie, huh?" she points out, and certainly the peanut battle makes an appearance as her mind plays the image of Quinn purposely throwing peanuts at the man with malice. "I just don't want anything to screw up how much progress we have made," she adds with another sigh, moving her head closer to the spray as she watches gray water, gray hair, and gray ideas made of gray throughs.</p><p>“No, I didn't,” he says. "But I'll be done soon here, anyway," Jesse replies, his tone careful and she tries to not scoff as his hands continue massaging over her hair. "If you let me do my job, of course," he remarks flicking her ear with his hand.</p><p>"Jess," Rachel calls with a whine as she taps her foot anxiously down, her hands clenching around the bathroom sink. <em>"The bond I'm currently trying to establish with my soulmate is in your hands,"</em> she adds anxiously.</p><p>"No, your hair is in my hands," Jesse counters with clear annoyance, but then he’s moving her head under the spray. Her hair isn't even that much, to begin with. She just needs to have it clean, and then she can stop whatever murderous event must be about to happen out there. "Okay, done, do whatever you want, I don't care," he comments as he offers a grey fluffy towel. She wraps it around her head.</p><p>She doesn't bother to dry her hair before walking out of the master bathroom, trying to save whatever there is to save when you aren't even dating a person, but your friends could still spoil whatever could happen between the two of you by simply existing.</p><p>Rachel enters the living room and there she finds Quinn, who's watching the end of the movie by herself, still nursing her glass of wine. The performer clears her throat before stepping into her line of vision. "Where's Brody?" she asks nervously as she gazes at the woman's beautiful grey face. </p><p>Slowly. Quinn turns to look at her, her expression amicable, open, it… it makes Rachel see the dark blue of the couch and her breath hitches.</p><p>"He had to go," the blonde woman replies with a chuckle before standing from the couch, passing a hand through her hair. "Something about being too tired to keep watching movies," she adds nonchalantly as she sips from her glass again, bracing one arm around her middle.</p><p>Rachel tries to not see things that aren't there, remain realistic and present, but there's something about the woman that has changed in the last few minutes she has been cleaning her hair after Santana's stunt and it's making her anxious.</p><p>"Promise you didn't kill him," she says with a serious frown but Quinn just chuckles and Rachel moves further down the spiral, pointing at her soulmate. "This isn't a joke, Quinn, you can't make my friends disappear from my life, just because you don't approve of them," the performer counters, putting her hands on her hips and lifting her chin as she stops walking.</p><p>"Promise," Quinn replies as she walks up to her, leaving the glass at the rustic table with a vase full of colourless tulips.</p><p>Tulips that Jesse brought to cheer her up, but ultimately made her cry as she couldn't see their colour.</p><p>Suddenly, Rachel notices how the colour of the wood in the table shines back to her; brown, with darker traces and lines. She moves to grace it with her hand and then to look up at Quinn, who's biting her bottom lip, eyes shining with something and this time, gold is there.</p><p>
  <em>"Rachel." </em>
</p><p>Her voice is delicate, just like the hand that moves to trace slow fingertips over the skin of Rachel's own hand and, suddenly, yellow appears above the table, the tulips are live while the rest of the world remains in grey.</p><p>"Although short-lived, I've had a nice time," the blonde comments. Her eyes move from one eye to the other, then gently down her face. Rachel swallows nervously as the flame down her insides turns into a fire that could burn them both and perhaps the whole city down. "Thank you for inviting me," Quinn adds, but her attention is evidently away.</p><p>"You are welcome," Rachel stammers as the staring burns down, ruby red lips appearing on her line of vision on flecks of colour.</p><p>Slowly, she watches as Quinn leans, oh so slowly, towards her, eyes searching with a slight crease to her brow. It dawns on her that this isn't how it's supposed to happen as the flecks of colour disappear from her line of vision.</p><p>Rachel turns her head to the side, warm lips falling onto her cheek. throat tightening as the colour of the tulips disappears. Quinn breathes harshly against the skin of her face as she swallows.</p><p>"Why did you do that?" the blonde inquires in a whisper that is shaky and pure torture to the performer. Her eyes close and her lip trembles, grey flowers staring back at her now. "You want me - right?" </p><p>Rachel shakes her head but then nods.</p><p>"Of course I do," she replies as she steps back, tears on her eyes. The blonde looks upset, but also confused and yes, it seems like a good decision to take as her heart resumes the common beating and colours flashback before swiftly disappearing again. "But I'm not going to be a test to your own feelings - you want me or not, you want this or not, that's how it is, Quinn." </p><p>The blonde opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. Her eyes are grey, her lips too, her hair just the same, her expression but misery. Rachel's stomach turns as she doubts her decision.</p><p>"I think I'm gonna go," Quinn declares, shaking her head and then turning back to get her things from the couch.</p><p>Rachel doesn't stop her, just watches as the woman walks in grey shoes and grey jeans, until she's gone by a very grey door that looks more like a black hole.</p><p>Hot tears roll down her cheek and it tastes bitter, feels grey, and hurts worse when all colours are gone and it feels like they won't come back for a while.</p><p>
  <em>"Rach?"</em>
</p><p>Jesse's voice comes from behind her and she just turns around to furrow herself into his chest, tightly holding onto his hoodie. "Hey, hey - it's okay," he assures, caressing her hair.</p><p>Her heart beats fastly and it feels too familiar to the time when she realized that lying about herself and Finn wasn't going to work, but it hurts worse than finally accepting Jesse wasn't going to be her soulmate.</p><p>It hurts like understanding that being soulmates secures exactly nothing at all.</p><p>"What if she..." Rachel inquires quietly, holding onto her best friend like he is the very edge of the pool and she doesn't know how to swim, her feet try to reach for the bottom, but there seems to be none and her lip quivers against the coldness of it. "What if she never..." but the sentence can't be finished as her heart races and tears try to drag her to the bottom of the pool, drowning her as they fill it up with hurt.</p><p>"She will, okay?" Jesse whispers, moving her tears away with his thumbs, a gentle smile in his tired expression and she nods more for him than herself “Quinn would be a fool otherwise” he offers softly.</p><p>Some days are evidently greyer than others. Rachel prefers not to tell him she may be the fool of an equation of an almost-kiss on touch her lips. It’s the worst ghost to encounter.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Giving them a few days to heal comes just like common sense, but five grey days pass by and Rachel finds herself already craving longing stares that lead to touches that never come, eyes that speak more than words ever could and moments spent in complete silence just one sitting next to the other.</p><p>She just misses Quinn and being mad at her does not help it at all. </p><p>Ending up at the library for a lunch break just seems like cheating on a diet and Rachel can't get mad at herself for it as her eyes skip quickly from a grey shelf onto another grey shelf in search for her soulmate between the narrow passages of the pages of their story.</p><p>But Quinn doesn't seem to be hiding behind them as row after row her eyes swipe and find nothing but grey.</p><p>
  <em>“Hey.”</em>
</p><p>Rachel sighs tiredly before turning around to the source of the voice with a frown.</p><p>"Are you still mad for the dip?” Santana questions as she appears from behind one of the grey rows, a grin on her face and Rachel shakes her head, stepping to the next row as she dodges the latina “C'mon everything is fair in war-"</p><p>"Where's Quinn?” the performer inquires, dodging the topic that brings the hurtful memories of that night back, moving her eyes to search for her soulmate, but the woman seems to not be anywhere. “I came to see her, not you, no offense." </p><p>"-And love, <em>god,</em> let me finish,” the latina scoffs, following her closely behind and Rachel turns around to glare, but if someone is immune to her expressions of fury is Santana, who just pinches her cheek and grins. "Anyway, your girl is with her brother at the backdoor office, I'll go fetch her." </p><p>And before she can correct her, the latina is already gone, walking away from her, disappearing behind the grey rows of books.</p><p><em>“Brother?”</em> Rachel mutters, rubbing her cheek uncomfortably as she stands there. “My girl…” she says even more confused as her cheeks light up.</p><p>She stands there gaping in silence for a solid minute, wondering about going back to the theatre and escaping the scene. </p><p>Before she can entertain the idea, a man with a presence that resembles a golden retriever in jeans and a Superman t-shirt appears from the door to the back-office, Quinn following closely behind him, and Santana is nowhere to be found. Rachel dumbly waves at them as her vision shows spots of colours at the sight of her soulmate.</p><p>It's red and blue and just <em>Quinn.</em></p><p>“Rachel, right?” the blond man greets as he walks up towards her. The performer nods with a frown, offering a hand up for a handshake, but the man just frowns down at her before energetically bumping his fist against her extended hand. “I'm Sam, twin brother of this one,” he presents himself. Rachel awkwardly drops her hand and glances at her soulmate.</p><p>Who looks specially… <em>embarrassed</em> and it's almost endearing how her cheeks seem darker than the rest of her face.</p><p>“Please ignore him,” Quinn implores, visibly uncomfortable as she tries to push the man towards the exit, but he doesn't move. Rachel grins at the darkness that appears over Quinn's neck then, she's definitely blushing. “Sam is just going, right?” her soulmate mutters to her brother.</p><p>But he just shakes his head, floppy hair swaying, moving his arm up, and around his sister's shoulders.</p><p>“Quinnie,” Sam calls with a smile. Rachel giggles at the expression in the woman's face, it's pure fury and embarrassment, but nothing is menacing when she looks like an angry kitten being pestered by a puppy. “Why do you want to get rid of me so quickly? I've missed you - Haven't you missed me?” the blond man asks, his other hand to his chest on a dramatic gesture that Rachel appreciates.</p><p>“Of course I have,” the smaller blonde sibling replies, glancing warily at Rachel. She looks back at her brother. "But don't do this," Quinn emphasizes.</p><p>The Broadway star really tries to not pry with her presence there, but this is Quinn's twin brother. She can't help but be drawn in as the mysterious woman interacts with a close part of her family.</p><p>Rachel turns back to look at the man, but he is already looking back at her, and it's so awkward that Sam caught her staring at his sister like that. She just glances away until she's looking down at her hands instead.</p><p>“So, I do have to go,” he declares. Both women turn to look at Sam. “But I'll see you at dinner?” he asks, just looking back at his sister with an expression of love.</p><p>“Of course," Quinn replies with a nod. The man moves to plant a kiss on her cheek before releasing her. “Ew,” she groans, rubbing her cheek with a disgusted expression.</p><p>“Always a pleasure seeing my favorite sister," the blonde man calls as he steps away towards the door, but then he turns, sends a wink towards Rachel, who can only stare as the siblings keep interacting with only facial expressions as Quinn moves to close the door after him.</p><p>A strange, but not totally uncomfortable silence falling upon the store.</p><p>"I didn't know you had a brother," Rachel utters because there really isn't anything else for her to say, bringing up what happened the other night seems almost foolish now.</p><p>The sparks of colours appear when Quinn briefly glances at her before moving to the front desk, to sit behind the computer there, hands ready to run wild through the letters.</p><p>"You didn't ask," the blonde replies as she adjusts against the seat and begins to frantically tap on the keyboard.</p><p>It's a symphony of taps, but it's just the sounds of fingers dancing over words that Rachel wants to have over her skin.</p><p>The question can't help but come out.</p><p>"Can I?" </p><p>"Can you what?" Quinn asks, clearly distracted as her hands keep working over the keyboard.</p><p>The brunette clears her throat, there's an opening and it may be walking into a deadend, but she is willing to take the road.</p><p>"Can I ask you about yourself?" Rachel inquires. Hazel eyes snap to her, making her see sparks of red and blues between seas of grey and her head swims at the sudden splashes of colour that meet her vision. "Like, common stuff, if you ever had pets? or like - would you prefer mint chip cookies or peanut butter ones?" she babbles as her heart hammers inside her chest, a lion around his cage.</p><p>The silence seems eternal, but she knows it's just seconds of pure agony as Rachel waits for Quinn to say something.</p><p>And, eventually, she replies.</p><p>"A dog." </p><p>It's like stepping into a new world, seeing all those new colours. It’s amazing how the image before her eyes shifts until she sees the blonde hair of the woman, cascading around her shoulders over that work shirt that makes her heart soar.</p><p>"And peanut butter cookies," Quinn adds as their eyes cling onto each other.</p><p>Maybe she isn't the only one who doesn't know how to swim and she shares the edge of the pool.</p><p>Maybe distance is good, maybe distance is fine when there's something unabridged on the way that their eyes meet and it doesn't feel like a one dead end street.</p><p>"Can we talk about something else now?"</p><p>"Sure," Rachel replies as she steps closer and the eyes leave her to move to the screen of the computer.</p><p>It may not be a door, but a merely open window and Rachel peeks inside before respectfully closing it and waiting by the side.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's a window.</p><p>With a limited view of greys and dark tones that she doesn't understand yet, but Rachel sits by it and waits as everything remains quiet, but well.</p><p>But then comes the day when it's not quiet at all.</p><p>"My parents died a few months ago." </p><p>Because the window transforms to the whole door that leads to the <em>Wonderland Maze</em> and Rachel can only gape as she swallows the words that have casually dropped from her soulmate's mouth.</p><p>She really tries to gather her more coherent thoughts into a one string sentence as the piece of information settles.</p><p>"Were you close with them?"</p><p>"No," the blonde replies. She's nursing a bottle of water, but they way she is drinking, maybe it should have been alcohol, but they are sitting behind the desk at the library and it's barely 2 pm or else Rachel would have suggested it. "Actually I loathed them and they loathed me," Quinn confides.</p><p>Sparks and flecks of black and red appear before her eyes. Rachel just swallows her sadness and confusion away, because what did that people do to Quinn to make their own daughter describe their relationship like that.</p><p>Her soulmate is just one of the most wonderful people the performer has ever met and the possibilities are just as cruel and endless, each one of them hurting her more as Rachel sorts through them.</p><p>"I'm sorry," she offers instead of yelling that they didn't deserve a daughter like Quinn anyway, because there's something about the way her soulmate's shoulders are hanging that just tells Rachel that it's better to keep some thoughts to herself.</p><p>After all, they are still Quinn's parents.</p><p>"Yeah, whatever," Quinn accepts with a shrug, playing with the cap of her bottle, rolling it open and then closed. "They still <em>sucked."</em> </p><p>It's Quinn's lunch time, the store is sporting the vintage red sign that reads closed. Rachel peeks through the door a little more as the silence and quietness of the store provides the opportunity.</p><p>"Do you ever miss them?" </p><p>The blonde turns to her with an expression that can't be read over her stunning features. She looks pained, but Rachel isn't sure to read it like that, it's not enough to answer the question.</p><p>"No," her soulmate replies as she drops the bottle of water on the ground, her jaw clenching and it may be Rachel's playful imagination when she sees a tear roll down grey skin.</p><p>It wouldn't be the first time since losing the ability to see colours.</p><p>"I don't," Quinn adds, before turning back to face the grey store, picking an apple from her lunch box.</p><p>Rachel nods to herself as she does the same, eyeing grey columns of books and sighting deeply before she offers her next words.</p><p>"I'm an adopted child, you know," she confides, taking her own bottle for a sip. Her throat doesn't need refreshment, but she does need a little pause to say what she wants to say.</p><p>Unexpectedly, there's a quiet laugh.</p><p>"Well, you do have two fathers," Quinn replies with a chuckle, her eyes crinkling. At least Rachel could make her sulky soulmate laugh, that's an early win for team colours. "Odds weren't in your favour for biological favor," the blonde comments cheekily as she bites down on her apple.</p><p>Rachel rolls her eyes, but the warmth in her heart is worth it as her hands grips the fabric of her jeans tightly and continues. "Anyway, what I was trying to get at," she starts again, exhaling a big gulp of air before getting to her point. "It's that when I was sixteen years old, I met my biological mother, by her idea, just to then get rejected by her.” </p><p>The memory is painful, but tolerable, she went to therapy for it to be manageable.</p><p>"No way," Quinn replies instantly, expression’s aghast. As the brunette faces her, she finds eyes filled with rage. It's so different to the indifference she would find there once upon a time ago, when the blonde would just let her talk and hum.</p><p>Sparks of colours paint her face, Rachel's heart jumps, not only for the topic at hand, and she smiles back at her soulmate.</p><p><em>"Way,"</em> she confirms with a nod, looking down at her hands, keeping her eyes there for a second. "And the reason why I'm telling you this, it's not to get pity or upstep your story, what I'm actually trying to say is that I get hating your parents," Rachel says, looking again into the eyes of her soulmate; golden, but also green and how could she have so many colours there.</p><p>She could drown in there and not mind it, because they look warm and everyday a little more clear.</p><p>"I get it," Rachel repeats and it's not ‘I like you,’ less ‘I love you,’ it's just - "I get you, Quinn," because she does and she isn’t just saying it for her soulmate, but also for herself.</p><p>And everyday, she understands a little more why they are meant to be connected as soulmates.</p><p>"I - thanks," Quinn mutters and it may not be ‘I love you,’ but it makes her heart race all the same as she nods and takes another sip of water from her bottle.</p><p>"No problem." </p><p>They sit back, facing back the store and no more words are needed at the moment, not now, they have time for that.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"You should come to have dinner with me." </p><p>It's a harmless offer, or so Rachel thought as the blonde turns towards her with a frown. Her soulmate is putting books onto the shelves. It's such a basic task that even Santana could do it just fine, but it seems like Quinn prefers to do it herself.</p><p>Her soulmate may have a control problem, the performer realizes.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because," Rachel offers and a nervous laugh leaves her lips, shrugging her shoulders, but she can't find a reasonable idea to offer.</p><p>It really did sound better in her head on the way here.</p><p>"Do you cook?" the blonde asks, there's a smile there and the brunette grins as spots of colour appear.</p><p>She scrunches her nose up, "...No, but Brody-"</p><p>"Yeah, <em>pass." </em></p><p>The performer pouts as the blonde rounds the grey shelves that every day gain more colour to appear a little brown to her eyes.</p><p>It makes Rachel anxious to witness it, because she knows that something is changing and her steps can be now a little bolder and more steady.</p><p>"Come on, <em>Quinn,"</em> She whines, following her shortly behind. “It's just dinner.”</p><p>They find their way into the backdoor office and Quinn leaves on the desk the stacking map for the order of the books. She made it herself and Rachel couldn't be more infatuated as she stares at her soulmate with puppy eyes and a pout.</p><p>The blonde just shakes her head, arms crossed over her chest, as she stares her down with inquisitive eyes.</p><p>"So, why are we begging?" </p><p>Suddenly, the other twin appears, interrupting their moment as he walks from the inside of the library. He’s carrying a Superhero comic in his hands, colourless pages staring back, but Rachel knows that's just how comics are.</p><p>It doesn't worry her.</p><p>"Please don't encourage her," the blonde warns as she drops her posture to start to search for the next chart of books.</p><p>"Well, <em>Samuel,”</em> Rachel stresses as she crosses her arms over her chest as her eyes just zero on the blonde woman, who is now ignoring her. "I was just inviting your dear sister to have dinner with me." </p><p>"Like a date?" the blond man asks with a grin, his expression brightening.</p><p>A loud sound reverbs on the little space as Quinn drops the chart on her hands. Rachel sharply turns towards him, her cheeks feeling warm all of sudden.</p><p>"No, like - having dinner with me and more people, of course," she explains with a tight smile as sparks of colours fire through her view. Her heart racing as she tries to ignore the blonde bending to pick up the object on the floor.</p><p>"Double date then?" Sam offers, rubbing his cheek with his hand, same grin over his face.</p><p>Perhaps, he is doing something because there's no way he is that dense as Quinn picks up the chart and just walks off the office.</p><p>"No, I meant like a <em>friendly</em> dinner over my apartment with my friends and maybe you too, if you wanna come," Rachel clarifies as she looks out of the door at her soulmate, who takes the trolley and disappears behind a row of brown and grey shelves.</p><p>The performer chuckles.</p><p>"Or, here's another idea, what if you come to my place for a <em>friendly</em> dinner tomorrow? My sister comes every night anyway.” </p><p>Rachel turns sharply.</p><p>"Do you cook?" she asks with interest. Not that she’s picky, but her vegan lifestyle is important to her and she wouldn't like to inconvenience him if he couldn't cook vegan. </p><p>He shrugs, a big smile onto his handsome face. They might not act like it, but she finds little bits of Quinn in her brother and vice versa. </p><p>"Let's just say: my wife married for my looks and my cooking abilities." </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The <em>friendly</em> dinner comes.</p><p>Rachel meets Sam's wife, Mercedes, who's an amazing singer, so amazing that it actually leaves her in awe as the TV starts to play a recording of her presentation at the Grammy's awards.</p><p>"Okay, I'm <em>jealous,"</em> the Broadway performer confides as Mercedes shakes her head with a grin from the other side of the couch. "Seriously, your voice is very powerful," Rachel gushes as the video progresses.</p><p>"Girl, thanks, but I know," Mercedes admonishes. There's an evident confidence that makes Rachel nod with appreciation towards the fellow artist and maybe future in-law if she keeps stepping just as fine.</p><p><em>"Can you two stop flirting and lend me a hand over here?"</em> Sam calls loudly from the kitchen. Rachel laughs as the singer rolls her dark eyes at her husband, shaking her head.</p><p>"What do you need, Sam?" Mercedes inquires with a grin, tilting her head towards the kitchen.</p><p>
  <em>"Can you taste this sauce for me, babe? I swear it needs a little something." </em>
</p><p>"I bet he just wants to kiss you," Rachel whispers with a grin as she shrugs her shoulders at Mercedes, who stands up from the comfy couch. <em>"He got jealous of me,"</em> the performer adds a little louder, her voice easily carrying through the apartment.</p><p>
  <em>"Stop trying to steal my wife, Rachel, get your own!"</em>
</p><p>"On that note, I'm gonna see what he really wants," the black woman tells her, sighing deeply, but the love that oozes off her as she interacts with her husband is enough to assure Rachel that is nothing, but playful.</p><p>Suddenly, the bell rings and Rachel turns to the door, checking her watch as her vision shifts.</p><p>
  <em>"Can you get that? We are busy."</em>
</p><p>The performer squints her eyes with suspicion as a giggle comes from the kitchen, but Rachel still gets the door smiling brightly to receive the person at the other side, who by the hour, she can guess who it is.</p><p>
  <em>"Rachel?" </em>
</p><p>An exhausted looking Quinn stands there, her expression is one of confusion, but it quickly smooths into something like recognition as they stare into each other's eyes. "Sam," the blonde stresses with an annoyed sigh as she pinches the bridge of her nose.</p><p>Rachel nods as she opens the door wide enough for her soulmate to pass by, sparks of colours blinding her a second and the domestics of the act finds her. "He told me-"</p><p>"I would come, just like every night," Quinn completes as she takes off her jacket and hangs it on the free hook by the door.</p><p>"Yes," the performer replies, awkwardly closing the door after her. Not knowing if the blonde is bothered or not by her presence there, Rachel stands awkwardly, arms hugging herself over her sweater. “Does that bother you?” she asks.</p><p>Her soulmate just frowns at her, her exhausted expression concealing her feelings.</p><p>Rachel offers, "Me being here, I mean, because if my presence here in this apartment is in any way making you uncomfortable, I can just go, Quinn." </p><p>The whole apartment is quiet, silent, too deafeningly silent. The blonde turns to her with an inquisitive look, her face sporting an internal fight of sorts as her mouth opens but then closes.</p><p>"I don't mind," Rachel adds with a timid shrug. Not all steps have to be forward, sometimes to advance you have to take one back. Maybe tonight’s showing she can respect Quinns space if not invited. "I can call Jesse to pick me up and get something to eat on my way home."</p><p>The resounding noise of something falling over at the kitchen resonates through the apartment, but neither of them move, too caught up in their staring.</p><p>Until Rachel does move, taking her own coat from behind the door. “I'll go.”</p><p>
  <em>"Don't." </em>
</p><p>Rachel's eyes close at the touch of skin over her own, warm colours show behind her eyelids and she opens them again to look back at her soulmate. She's smiling softly at her, her eyes shining with something that could be described like fondness.</p><p>"Please stay," Quinn completes as her hand drops away and they stare at each other, a small grin onto her face.</p><p>The performer mirrors the expression as she drops the coat in the hook again.</p><p>
  <em>"Shit." </em>
</p><p>The sound of a frying pan falling onto the ground resonates through the kitchen and towards them.</p><p>"Sam, stop spying on us," the blonde calls loudly. </p><p>
  <em>"I'm not!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He is - and the sauce needs more salt, honey."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Honey and salt?"</em>
</p><p>Both women grin at each other as they listen to the couple bicker. They move onto the living room, soft expressions in both of their faces, and the smell of the promising dinner drifting through the air.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Grinning, Rachel stabs homemade gnocchi with her fork before dipping into the vegan bechamel sauce that Sam made for all of them.</p><p>So far, the dinner has been a wonderful time, the married couple so in love it warms the brunette's heart to watch them interact. But the fact that Quinn hasn't left her side since she arrived has made the brunette see so many colours, that she declined wine so as to not get more drunk.</p><p>Drunk in love is enough.</p><p>"So, how did you guys meet?"</p><p>A harsh silence falls onto the table and Rachel opens her mouth to apologize to the married couple when she's cut off by her own soulmate speaking up.</p><p>"Through me," Quinn replies with a clipped smile. She sips her wine, eyes moving to her plate.</p><p>Mercedes clears her throat and the performer turns to the singer to find a conflicted expression there in her face. "I was friends with Quinn first,” the woman says with a nod, “then she presented this dumbass to me." </p><p>All the table breaks in giggles and just as it came the tension has gone away, even if Rachel can’t move on from the fact that there is an interesting story there and something that Quinn has not definitely told her yet.</p><p>"Excuse you, my name is Dumbass Fabray-Jones," Sam comments, toasting his beer to himself alone before winking at his wife. “Love you too, baby."</p><p>Quinn gags at them, but her smile is sincere, and Rachel goes back to her dinner with a small grin.</p><p>Even though Rachel offers to clean the dishes, after they have finished the pasta and the Mediterranean salads, she is sent away by Mercedes, who explains not so kindly to her that she is a guest and should sit her butt down.</p><p>“Dude, I love her <em>so</em> much,” Sam comments as he sits by her side on the couch.</p><p>“It shows.” the brunette woman agrees. Her eyes move towards the bedroom where she can hear the shower and she thinks about her soulmate. “It really does.”</p><p>Quinn apparently had a problem at her own apartment with her shower and Mercedes sent her away to take a nice shower while she cleaned the dishes. </p><p>"You want to ask about our parents, right?" </p><p>So many questions appear on the front of her mind as she absorbs the last few hours, but Rachel shakes her head as she flattens her hands over her skirt and sighs.</p><p>Apparently, she isn't as slick as she thought.</p><p>Her cheeks are warm, but she just takes a deep breath before admitting it out loud, turning to her soulmate's twin, maybe the only person who can understand Quinn better than her.</p><p>"It's been killing me since the other day when-” Rachel lowers her voice, moving closer to not be heard outside of the room,<em> “-Quinn told me about them,</em> but at the same time, I know she should be the one to tell me about it, not you," she stresses with a decisive nod.</p><p>"She got lucky with you as a soulmate, huh?" the man affirms as he sips his beer and puts his head by the back of the couch.</p><p><em>"You know?"</em> her heart races, mind trying to comprehend the meaning of it, but all she reacts to do is to ask- “Did she tell you?”</p><p>"Rachel, we are twins," Sam replies as he pats her knee and grins at her. "Quinn and I are already soulmates of sorts." His eyes dim a little as he drops his hand away and she waits for more because he seems to be contemplating his words too much. "So, all I'm gonna say it's that if she told you about it, you should definitely ask her.”</p><p>“But what if she isn't ready?” Rachel asks, because steps are one thing, but this feels like running and she doesn't want the blonde to do that. She has been careful enough as to not slip like that.</p><p>Sam just leaves his beer on the coffee table and shrugs, his smile deepening with care. “But what if she is?” he offers and then chuckles. “She's actually the strongest person I know.”</p><p>His Superman t-shirt almost shines to mark his point. Rachel nods, finally taking a sip of her mint tea.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask you a very personal question that would seem a little bit insulting, but it is not at all?” </p><p>It's been a couple of days since the friendly dinner and Rachel has taken her time to go to work, to make her own life and not obsess over Quinn and the bunch of questions that seem to just grow as they keep interacting more and more.</p><p>But after watching Quinn sell two copies of a Victorian novel to a couple of elderly people, the question just drops out of her mouth.</p><p>"Why didn't you go to college?" </p><p>"Where's this coming from?" the blonde questions as she locks the front door. </p><p>Santana is out the back receiving more books and Rachel is grateful for the intimacy of it as her soulmate puts the closed sign and turns to look at her, arms over her chest.</p><p>Both of their lunches rest over the front desk, they like to eat there, looking over the books and talking aimlessly and Rachel opens her own bag to take a bite of her salad.</p><p>"Just curious, I guess," she replies, dripping the dressing onto the leaves. "You're like the most intelligent person I know, you love books and it would make sense to get a degree on that or something," Rachel continues with a shrug, looking up at her soulmate.</p><p>But Quinn hasn't moved away from the door, her expression unreadable and the sparks of colours dim a little to give pass to greys and blues, a storming falling over the store.</p><p>The brunette stops shaking her salad and opens her mouth, but her soulmate beats her to the punch.</p><p>"Well, my parents kicked me out of my house when I was 16 after finding out I was dating a girl," Quinn replies. Her eyes shine, her posture rigid as she walks over the desk and takes a seat behind it, her eyes remain on the screen. Rachel doesn't even dare to breath as the blonde licks her lip and waits a second to continue. "That's actually how I met Mercedes - she and her parents took me in, after finding me by the curb, crying with a box of clothes, after said girl closed the door in my face and told me to get lost.”</p><p>The pieces start to fall into unexpected places and Rachel just finds herself longing for more answers as tears start to form in her eyes, but, apparently, the blonde's story hasn't finished yet, she keeps talking without prompt, an exhausted expression over her face.</p><p>"Sam tried his best to get my parents to take me back in, but I had my pride and they were assholes," the blonde stresses as she laughs. It’s bitter and wrong, but it's her own story and no one else's to tell. Rachel swallows the desire to touch her and offer comfort. "So, I lived with Mercedes for two years and worked odd jobs after class to get money and not be such a burden to her family.”</p><p>Their lunches remain untouched in front of them, but neither of them seems to care as the blonde continues. </p><p>“Eventually, Senior Year came in; Sam got into college and I did too,” Quinn says, turning to her, there's a smile on her lips, but her eyes shine with unshed tears and it makes Rachel want to hug her so much. The smile turns sad. “I got into Yale, but I couldn't <em>afford</em> to attend.”</p><p>Sending all to hell, Rachel puts a hand over her thigh, squeezing it and her soulmate, puts her hand on top of it squeezing back. The affection received with a smile.</p><p>“I am so sorry,” the brunette comments, moving her free hand to wipe her own tears away. “I didn't mean to make you remember all of that,” Rachel says, and she grinds sadly, “But I'm glad you told me about it.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, I wish that was the end of the story, but sadly, it's not,” Quinn says. Her eyes move to their conjoined hands.</p><p>Rachel turns her hand around and interlocks their fingers, grinning sadly. She can see some of the colour of their skin and the colour of both of their pants. The hand holding may feel nice and a step towards something, but the tale is breaking her heart in so many ways, Rachel can't feel anything, but despair. She waits for her soulmate to say something else.</p><p>“Because then Sam had an <em>idea,</em> he would secretly attend school with his football scholarship and give his tuition money to me,” Quinn tells her with a laugh and she shakes her head, like of course he did that. “He was too good on their eyes, anyway, so they believed everything he said,” but her smile grins and Rachel tightens her grip. “We could afford to pay one semester of Yale before they found out about his scholarship and everything went to shit,” she tells with a less humourous laugh.</p><p>“What happened?” the performer asks, rubbing her thumb over her hand and the atmosphere suffers a change so brisk that it makes her shiver, suddenly feeling cold.</p><p>"Russell called the police and his lawyer," the blonde offers, and her face hardens, tears fall down her face, but she doesn't break, not yet she just sighs. “I got charged with petty thief which got me expelled from Yale," her soulmate says. Quinn looks back at Rachel now. Rachel can see that her lip is trembling, and the brunette can't help, but move a hand to caress her cheek. "At least - I didn't go to <em>jail,”</em> Quinn offers, but her humour is gone, she seems ready to cry as her face turns with pain.</p><p>“Oh, <em>Quinn.” </em></p><p>Rachel hugs her, because how could she not, one hand caressing her back and the other to blonde hair as Quinn cries into her neck, leaving little whimpers. It's as devastating as it is beautiful.</p><p>“You didn't deserve any of that,” Rachel says. She rubs her back and the blonde woman sobs making her heart crack a little bit more. It's good that her parents are dead or else, she wouldn't be so opposed to the idea of killing them herself. “You hear me? Nothing of that was ever your fault.” </p><p>The blonde tries to shake her head, but Rachel just lifts her chin up, to stare into her green and hazel eyes. It's the perfect storm of colours and to realize at that moment that she is so deeply in love with Quinn isn't surprising, but still her heart runs a mile as they stare into each other's eyes.</p><p>“Because you're beautiful in so many ways that I can't help but hate your parents for making you feel like you weren't anything but perfect,” she continues, staring into the eyes she adores. Her hands move the tears away.</p><p>“They say that beauty is actually in the eye of the beholder,” Quinn mutters and her eyes slip down her face with the direction of her lips and Rachel does the same.</p><p><em>“Are you two being gay? Right in front of that salad?”</em> </p><p>Rachel actually laughs, throwing her head back as they move apart. Santana appears in front of the desk, carrying her own lunch with an evil grin, they didn't hear her come in and maybe it's not all about being mean, maybe it's more about making them laugh a little.</p><p>“Did you get all the boxes and did you stack them in the back like I asked you?” the blonde asks the Latina, clearing her throat. </p><p>There's a darkness to Quinn’s cheeks that makes the performer grin before she opens the container of her salad and starts to eat.</p><p><em>“Aye,</em> I'm on my break,” Santana exclaims as she sits next to them and brings out a burger and a soda. “Berry, please for the love of God, contain your half-lemon,” the woman exclaims as she starts to put ketchup on her burger.</p><p><em>“Lemon?”</em> Rachel asks naively.</p><p>But the way that Quinn throws a murderous glare at her co-worker tells her what she needs to know: better to not know.</p><p>Still reeling from the previous conversation, Rachel couldn’t help, but eat her lunch with the biggest smile, looking a little maniacal. Sam was absolutely right and their relationship has moved forward.</p><p>They’re walking together.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The days she shows up tend to be the days she doesn't visit Quinn at the library.</p><p>It's for her own good, really, because more than once she has spent the whole afternoon sitting with her soulmate, just talking about everything and anything, then getting yelled at by the director who praises her performance, but still scolds her like she is a rebel high school student skipping class to see their crush.</p><p>Quinn doesn't know that, of course, doesn't ask the why of their meetings, she just smiles as she enters the store and Rachel doesn't even notice when the colours start to shift and she suddenly finds herself seeing the whole palette of colours during the closing number of the show.</p><p>This time, the tears aren't an act, but just her and the shock, the tremor that travels through her body. She says the colour of the lights, the colour of the stage, the colour of her own hands raising to the skin. Rachel laughs, moving a hand to block a sob that threatens to fall down her lips.</p><p>"That was <em>amazing!"</em> Ryan comments, coming next to her to take the bow.</p><p>"I - I can," Rachel whispers when he takes her hand and raises it above their heads. She laughs but the tears don't stop coming. Her heart races with a warmness that could melt the poles. "I can see <em>them,</em> Ryan," she mutters, words full of tears. She turns to her co-star and the curtain falls before them like a wave.</p><p>But it doesn't drown her in.</p><p>"No way," he says, and he hugs her tightly.</p><p>She laughs and then moves back to appreciate every little detail of his face, his eyes, his dimples, the colour of his skin.</p><p>
  <em>"Wait." </em>
</p><p>Suddenly, it dawns on her that she is seeing colours and her feet instantly break into a run. </p><p>Towards where? She isn't sure.</p><p>Towards whom? She doesn't need to wonder no more as she sees golden and it's not from the lights, but the eyes guiding her.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Rachel pushes the door open of her dressing room, she doesn't expect to catch Quinn already waiting for her there to kiss her and seal their life together.</p><p>Well, she kinda <em>does,</em> but she also knows that life doesn't work like movies that way.</p><p>So, she starts to search for her phone and throw about every item from her purse onto the ground until she finds it by the bottom.</p><p>Dialing Quinn's number is a first.</p><p>Rachel bites her lip as it rings.</p><p>But then a knock presents from the other side of the door and the ringing from a phone makes her cut the call as she slowly moves her hand down.</p><p><em>"Please, come in,"</em> Rachel says, swallowing tightly.</p><p>The bronze knob turns, the wooden door opens and there stands no one else, but her soulmate. Rachel can only openly stare as the blonde woman enters the dressing room, all hazel and green eyes drowned with tears, a nervous expression in her face.</p><p>She's not wearing her usual work attire, but a long blue dress with thin straps. Her hair loose in curls and Rachel notices how much time has passed by the length of it.</p><p>It was definitely longer than when Quinn told her that first time to get lost and leave her alone.</p><p>"It was a beautiful performance," the blonde greets as she steps closer. Rachel can only stare while she accepts every colour of the universe and of the beautiful sight before her eyes with a loudly beating heart.</p><p>"You saw it?" the brunette finds herself asking as she breathes with difficulty.</p><p>Finn never saw her show.</p><p>Then she notices the red roses in Quinn's arms and a sob leaves her lips. She should really stop comparing her soulmate to everyone when her soulmate can't be compared to anyone else.</p><p>"Even though you never invited me," the blonde replies instead, her expression is conflicted, but she seems to be vibrating with something.</p><p>"Well, I - I didn't know you wanted to come," Rachel answers as she hugs herself. Why do they have to be like this?</p><p>She shakes her head before breaking her shaking posture.</p><p>
  <em>"Fuck it." </em>
</p><p>Her steps take her to her soulmate, until she's kissing Quinn, hands gripping her face and neck and it feels a thousand times better than the first time. Fireworks break into oceans, and waves, and fires, and all colours dance before her eyes as they connect.</p><p>But, suddenly, Quinn moves back, her expression dark and Rachel notices with shock how her once hazel and green eyes seem grey now.</p><p>"What's - wrong?" she asks shakily, caressing the skin of the pale face, but the blonde steps further away from her.</p><p>"I was born not seeing colours, Rachel," Quinn exclaims and her voice is emotionless, but also harsh, because she's crying and the brunette doesn't know what to do to stop her from hurting "Then that day at the store, the day we met? I saw the colour of my hair for the first time," the blonde continues with a pained expression.</p><p>Rachel doesn't dare to speak, doesn't dare to move, doesn't even dare to breathe, because it feels like if she does then everything will shake and then break.</p><p>"I - I was scared," Quinn says and she drops to roses in the vanity by the right, they fall and start to look pink. Rachel starts to cry. <em>"Fuck,</em> I was so scared to see colours because I didn't fucking know you," her soulmate whispers.</p><p>"But you said my last name, I thought…" the performer begins, but then trails off, starting again. Her own thoughts appear. “I thought you knew who I was and that's why you didn't want me.”</p><p>"Saw one billboard outside a theater with your name once," Quinn explains. She's crying. It shouldn't be beautiful, but then Rachel knows that being in love is just finding everything about the blonde completely disarming. She stands there absorbing it like the fool she is. "I thought that day that I saw a flicker of the sun, but then deluded myself thinking I was just seeing things," her soulmate adds.</p><p>"You see colours now right?" Rachel can't help but ask. </p><p>The blonde nods, her expression is not happiness, but confusion and it makes Rachel want to ask more, even if it hurts her, even if it feels like turning the knife and letting herself bleed more.</p><p>"Then why did you step away?" she whispers.</p><p>The blonde chuckles, her stoic posture breaking as she looks back at her.</p><p>"I'm <em>still</em> scared." </p><p>"You don't have to be, not around me," Rachel comments.</p><p><em>"Why?"</em> Quinn counters sarcastically. "Because you are my soulmate? I just have to blindly trust everything you say or do?" and even she doesn't seem to believe her own words, but she still stands there, expression of doubt and sadness staring back.</p><p>"Don't be scared of me," Rachel pleads and she has pride, strong and shiny, but her heart beats and hurts for the woman in front of her and love is giving it all, she doesn't know another way to love. "Please don't let me fall next to people who have hurt you before," she offers with pain and the words leave her lips, because she feels them and if colours are there, why not paint Quinn's world with them. “Please, let me love you, Quinn." </p><p><em>"Why?"</em> the blonde inquires.</p><p>"Why, what?" Rachel asks, throwing her hands up with frustration.</p><p>"Why do you love me?" her soulmate asks loudly.</p><p>Rachel scoffs, feeling deeply offended by the question, even if she understands where Quinn is coming from. "Are you seriously asking that?" </p><p>"It's so hard to answer?" the blonde counters, her tone is mocking and hurtful, but seems like she's just trying to distract her from what is too obvious to point out. "Where's that extended language of yours now?" </p><p>Quinn wants to make her doubt, to make her reconsider what's already set in stone, but Rachel has never been a slacker, she could answer this in her sleep. </p><p>Rachel has known this for too long already and it was time to just let it all out. "Because you work at a library and you love books and being able to be around hundreds of them," she answers loudly and clearly, she pushes through the pain of the blonde shaking her head and continues. "But I also<em> love you</em> because life keeps throwing stones at you and you collect them, polish them and then make them your own," she adds, moving closer.</p><p>Quinn's whole expression shifts, lips shaking, eyes widening with evident surprise so Rachel replies once more, just because she can, just because is the truest of them all and her heart has been keeping it in for a long time.</p><p>"But more than anything, <em>I love you,</em> simply because I don't know how to not do it," she confesses sincerely, heart pouring out, bleeding all over the place and the color is definitely red. She can see it perfectly. "And it hurts so much to pretend every day of my life like I don't."  </p><p>Quinn blinks back at her.</p><p>Her arms have dropped away from her chest and Rachel waits patiently for a reaction, but nothing comes, the room seeming bigger than it is.</p><p>"I remembered your name." </p><p>Finally, after countless seconds, Quinn finally speaks.</p><p>"I saw that billboard three years ago," Quinn stresses and she steps closer, her lip quivers and there's the colour of her eyes that starts to drift in, it's gold and emerald, it's the forest and the sun, it's beautiful and enchanting. "And I didn't forget it."</p><p>Pale hands take her cheeks and Rachel shivers at their coldness, Quinn sees her reaction and tries to put them away, but she just secures them there again.</p><p>"Then you started coming to the library and - I would see colours and - not because we were soulmates, I was supposed to like you," the blonde continues. A smile appears there and that's just the most beautiful sight Rachel has seen in her life, it makes the world explode with more colours, because Quinn isn't running, but stepping forward. "But you made me like you, even made me like your friends," she stresses. A look passes over her eyes, her hands move, sliding until she's holding a hand against her chest, next to her heart. They both stare into each other's eyes like there's nothing worth it more than to pay attention and there isn’t.</p><p>"When Brody told me about Emily, I understood it would be stupid to waste the opportunity to have each other like that." </p><p><em>"What?"</em> Rachel asks and she shakes her head as she frowns, trying to find the memory. "When did this happen?" </p><p>"The day you didn't let me kiss you," Quinn completes and her blush appears, it's cute and sweet and Rachel is about to apologize when the blonde smiles. "Which was absolutely fair because at that time, I didn't know what I was feeling yet." </p><p>"Yet?" Rachel asks. Hands slide until they are holding each other's hands, it's sparks and fireworks. She grins dorkily.</p><p>"I - I don't know how to lay this to someone who isn't Sam," Quinn offers, her blush deepens. "But I - I think that I'm at this moment in life where - I wake up every day wondering whether or not I'll see you," the blonde continues, thumbs brushing over her hands as Rachel just nods for her to proceed. "I'm at that moment where - I just get happy thinking about something silly you said," she adds. She shakes her head as she looks away. "God, this is hard." </p><p>"But you are doing great," Rachel encounters with a big smile, gripping her hands tightly as her soulmate looks back at her again.</p><p>"You really make me wanna say it?" the blonde inquires, her nose scrunching up cutely.</p><p>"Although, it would be lovely to hear it," Rachel answers, tilting her head forward, closing her eyes as lips descend onto her forehead and a warmness spreads over her chest. <em>"I think I got it,"</em> she whispers.</p><p>And she doesn't need to open her eyes to see the smile over Quinn’s face.</p><p><em>“Thank you for loving me,”</em> her soulmate says, making her see red and green, blue, and yellow behind her eyelids, fireworks of colour and love exploding with the words. “Thank you for waiting too,” Quinn adds.</p><p>She doesn't need to open her eyes to see colours, when her whole reason for seeing them is holding her tightly, lips onto her forehead, both swaying to a song that only plays on both of their heads, but she still does it, just because she can.</p><p>“Well, I did it for my own selfish reasons,” Rachel says. Their eyes lock with one another, just like always. There's no one here to interrupt them now and there’s no fear to be stumbling upon. Rachel can’t help but grin.</p><p>This time it’s Quinn who moves to start the kiss and Rachel definitely doesn't know all the colours until the moment when their lips touch. Their hearts finally find the same rhythm, falling into an abyss of tones and palettes.</p><p> </p><p>                                <em>  The end</em></p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...and the end! this was a very heart whelming piece, kinda loved it, even tho it frustrated me at times, kudos and comments are always welcome! see you next time!</p>
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